I have been looking at some feelings I have been having and I wanted to ask if there are others out here who feel they may just stay married because it's easier, gentler, kinder, to just stay married - and really are too nice of a person to hurt their partner's feelings?
Here's a question to possibly answer your original question, Samwize. What if by being too nice and staying in this relationship, you are depriving her of the possibility of having a relationship that is even more fulfilling and compatible? (I put this question in terms of your wife's experience because it seems like you're putting a higher priority on her feelings rather than your own.)
I did end a longterm marriage and I had to consider the very question you're pondering. It was easier because we didn't have children (I had seen enough of his behavior that I knew I didn't want to have any with him--and I'm very glad I made that choice.)
But even deeper than the idea of hurting his feelings, I had to come to grips with the idea that I was capable of being someone who would hurt someone else's feelings and living with the thought that others would perceive me in this way. Finally, after some boundary busting bad behavior (BBBB) on his part, I got to the DGAF state and the moment I did, I felt freer than I had felt in years.
It wasn't easy to disentangle myself but I'm so glad I did and I hadn't realized how desperately unhappy I was in that marriage--I had just been so busy coping with his insanity.
So ask yourself if you're willing to be the "bad guy" in the relationship and if you are, you have a path toward freedom.
