I need help with a 21 year old son with BPD traits

[happy4three]

Hello
I am the single mother of a son with BPD traits. I am in the process of trying to find counselors, doctors etc. to help us but not having much luck. He is currently living with me but not wanting to follow house rules. I understand about his condition and sympathize with him, but I need to be able to have rules and set boundaries. If I make him leave, I know that he has nowhere to go and could possibly end up homeless. He is resisting going to an inpatient treatment facility. How do I handle this? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Peace95]

My son is 21 as well but is refusing to have me in his life; has shut me and his sister out (she's 19 and used to be so close as we all did - single mom as well). He's engaged to a girl who is Bipolar and whose family seems oblivious! Be happy your son is still with you and speaks to you - I have no idea how to reach mine - so hard to see him spiralling with this life and not be able to do anything. I was hoping this site and these discussions would help as well.
Good luck

[happy4three]

Peace95
Thank you for replying. It helps knowing that I am not all alone in this. I'm sorry to hear about your son. I hope that you can find a way to reach him. Good luck to you too

[Kate4queen]

Hi, I have a 25 yr old son with BPD. Just before his 20th birthday after seeing a therapist myself I attempted to set up from basic boundaries to prevent my son from raging and threatening his family. They were basic things like, acknowledging us in a non threatening way, not bringing drugs into the house and attempting to have a discussion about his concerns before raging at us.
He chose to leave. We were terrified that he'd be homeless etc, but he'd already managed to find a family who sympathized with him and thought we were terrible parents, so we let him go. It was the worst moment of my life, but guess what? it was also the best thing to ever happen to him. Over the past 4 years he's had to learn how to communicate with us more respectfully or we'd stop, learn how to spend money wisely, not on drugs, learn how to get a job and hold onto it.
The price for that is us not seeing him face to face for 4 years, but I'm okay with that. I know he's in a safe place rebuilding his life and he seems to be more in control of his rages without us as scapegoats.
So, what I'm trying to say is, get yourself a therapist, learn how to set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. You have a right to feel safe in your own home and your son needs to understand that.