Hearing on school

[Thunderstruck]

Background:

uBPDbm and DH used to live together and that's where SD11 was enrolled in school. DH moved out (and eventually moved in with me in another city) and uBPDbm stayed for awhile.

Last year was SD11's last year in elementary school. uBPDbm got evicted from her apartment and moved out of the school district. DH and I were already selling our house and wanted to move to a different city, but ended up moving into SD11's school district so she wouldn't have to change middle schools (she could keep going with all her friends). Of course, once we told uBPDbm she immediately insisted that SD go to the school in HER district.

We came to an agreed order for summer timesharing and school (where uBPDbm agreed about SD going to the same school as her friends) but uBPDbm caused drama and reneged. So we told our L to proceed with a motion to the court.

Our hearing is next Friday, and uBPDbm just informed us that she plans on being out of the state to go pick up her other daughter for a summer visit. 

So I guess we're going to court, spending a bunch of money, uBPDbm won't show, and we'll win by default. On the bright side, we will now be "residential parent for school purposes". ForeverDad is going to be so proud.

[sanemom]

Do you think she will really let you win by default?  LOL... .I can't imagine a BPD not showing up for battle unless they want to look like victims. 

[Thunderstruck]

Do you think she will really let you win by default?  LOL... .I can't imagine a BPD not showing up for battle unless they want to look like victims. 

Yep, because she doesn't think she can win this one. She HATES not having control over the situation, and she can't control a judge. She does this often, either doesn't show up or folds and signs an agreed order right before a hearing.

She's pro se and doesn't know about filing continuances, etc. So I don't think any of that will happen.

[ForeverDad]

I hope this isn't too soon... . 

Do you think the legal issues are less of a hurdle with daughter growing into her teen years?  My ex still hates me but it's been more like an armed truce the last couple years.  Either our son's older or her growl is more toothless once I had both custody and majority time.  Or maybe both.

[Thunderstruck]

I hope this isn't too soon... . 

Do you think the legal issues are less of a hurdle with daughter growing into her teen years?  My ex still hates me but it's been more like an armed truce the last couple years.  Either our son's older or her growl is more toothless once I had both custody and majority time.  Or maybe both.

uBPDbm doesn't collect evidence, weigh the pros and cons, consider how something would affect SD11, etc. She makes impulsive decisions based on what would be best for herself at that moment in time. Then she works over SD11 (who is still very enmeshed) to agree with her stance.

When the judge told her she couldn't say "SD11 told me... ." or "SD11 wants... ." because it was hearsay and she wasn't allowed to bring SD11 into the court room without a court order then I think that took the wind out of her sails.

[Nope]

I can't believe she said she wouldn't be there. I can believe that she won't show up since she can't win, but to not leave you wondering until the last minute if she'll be there or not ... .hmm... .maybe it makes her feel more in control to throw it in your face.

We have two court dates late this month. The first is for Contempt and the second is for a motion to modify and for more CS. She threw a whole fit over email that DH isn't to talk to her and that she'd have her L speak to our L from now on. Of course, she doesn't have an L barred in our state, so our L has heard nothing. I honestly doubt she'll get an L down here and probably won't do anything, but she'll make darn sure to give us the impression she'll fight us all the way to the Supreme Court.   

[ForeverDad]

Don't leave it to the court to write up a new or modified order, your lawyer ought to prepare a proposed order for the court to review, perhaps strike out some clauses or add something and then sign it.

Hopefully the judge won't continue the case to give her another chance to show up.  After all, if she objects to the new order she could always seek a reconsideration, file an objection or file an appeal.  (Of course we know you won't tell her about all the ways to screw you up.)