Starting a Journey

[Parents! Get help here!]

My son (21), with whom i had a great relationship as did his sister and grandparents, has pushed us all away and is now engaged, and pretending that his life without us is just fine. He grew up with a very absent father from whom I'm divorced and is now getting his approval and attention to a degree. He is textbook BPD, has entered therapy but doesn't stay - does not see anything as wrong, as the people he lets in his life right now don't as well. They support him cutting us all out because they are seeing him as happy with them. I've tried to reach out to him but he's cut me off from all communication at this point. I love him, and want so much to reach him and see him get help - the path he is on will destroy him more. He's already been in hospital, cut, lots of self harm behaviours... .

[Peace95]

My son (21), with whom i had a great relationship as did his sister and grandparents, has pushed us all away and is now engaged, and pretending that his life without us is just fine. He grew up with a very absent father from whom I'm divorced and is now getting his approval and attention to a degree. He is textbook BPD, has entered therapy but doesn't stay - does not see anything as wrong, as the people he lets in his life right now don't as well. They support him cutting us all out because they are seeing him as happy with them. I've tried to reach out to him but he's cut me off from all communication at this point. I love him, and want so much to reach him and see him get help - the path he is on will destroy him more. He's already been in hospital, cut, lots of self harm behaviours... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi Peace95,

Welcome and hello  

I'm sorry for what brings you here, and glad you found the site.

I share a lot with your story, including being divorced from my son's absent father (also BPD).

Does your son live close by? How long has it been since he pushed you away?

There are many ways that BPD can present, and you mention he is textbook. By that, do you mean SI and cutting? Does he abuse substances?

Being pushed away is very painful. What tends to happen when loved ones reach out to him?

[nona]