Question about supervised visitation

[LilMe]

My lawyer recommended a specific professional visitation supervisor.  uBPD agreed to use her for visitation through his lawyer.  I called and left messages, but she only responds through text.  I have never had a chance to talk to her.  When I showed up to drop off the children at the first visitation at a local park, uBPD was already there and when I picked them up he stayed behind to talk to her after I left with the children.

We agreed to another visit at a park last Friday, but she texted and cancelled and asked if we could do it Tuesday instead.  I said that would be OK.  She then texted and asked if we could do it at his home (the home we had to leave behind with all our animals and belongings) and said further that the children had asked to go there and uBPD had not mentioned it.  When I was leaving the first visit, I heard him talking to her about visitation at the house!  I asked the children and they were adamant that they had NOT asked to go to the house.  The supervisor appears to be lying.  I called my lawyer for advice, but she is gone until Tuesday.  I think uBPD is manipulating the supervisor, but maybe I am just paranoid?  She texted me again asking for an answer and I am at a loss as to what to do or say!  The children do not mind going to the house; they want to see their pets that he won't let us have.  But how do I deal with her lying?

Ugh.  I am not good at dealing with people like this.  It doesn't help that I found out today that a neighbor to the home we left has my dog and wouldn't answer her door or my calls when I tried to see if she had my dog.  Her parents even told me she didn't have her when I asked them.  Today their next door neighbors told me how happy my dog was in her new home!  I was speechless then I cried.  We had looked everywhere for her.  Posted flyers, facebook, asked everyone in the neighborhood and finally gave up, thinking she was dead.  I hate confrontation and wish I could have a calm, peaceful life.

[ForeverDad]

I think you would be within your rights to reply that the supervised visitations should be at neutral locations.  If it's raining then you can use museums, restaurants, the mall, etc.

"She texted and asked... ."  That means you don't have to say Yes.  You are allowed to feel uncomfortable, especially at the start of the separation and court case, that's typically when the tensions and stress are highest.  If you find it too hard to say No, then you can at least cushion it with "No, not right now, maybe it can be revisited later.  Let's see how things go with using neutral locations."

It is concerning if the supervisor twisted the request's source, was it consciously or was she gullible and slickly manipulated?  (Such as, did stbEx say the children wanted it?  Understand too that there's a possibility the children may have felt on the spot, tried to please him and "kind of" went along with it and don't want to hurt your feelings?)

[LilMe]

Thank you, ForeverDad!

The supervisor texted me again over the weekend while I was working and I need to respond today.  I am trying hard to listen to my inner voice and your message confirms what I was thinking.  I will let her know that the park is best for now.  I will speak with my lawyer tomorrow and see how she thinks I should handle it all.

I have allowed myself to be controlled in every way for the last 10 years so it is hard learning to make decisions and listen to my inner voice only and not be influenced by what uBPD would want.

Thank you!

[Lilyroze]

  Lilme,

Just wanted to send you   so sorry you are going through all this. I know you have to cooperate, and are doing your best to not make waves, and don't blame you in least.

I would think though asking for a neutral setting should be fair, and not much to ask. Unfortunately seems the supervisor is being manipulated, or well slightly unprofessional or hard to deal with. At some point I wonder if you or your lawyer could speak to her supervisor.

I understand times might need to be changed for both, accommodating supervisor, children’s schedules or work but at some point she needs a little accountability to not have you going to a house you all left, texting changes all time and well not putting words in kids mouths. Log everything, keep track of all correspondence, don't get emotional with her. Be careful.

Hope you can find rest, peace and some stability in your journey.

[LilMe]

My lawyer had to cancel our meeting this week and rescheduled for Monday, so I told the visitation supervisor I would like to keep the visitation at a neutral place until I speak with my lawyer.  Then my lawyer called me from her cell tonight and told me I should let the children go to his house because he is blind and it is unfair to make him go to town for visitation.  I told her he goes to town on his bike several days a week already, but she said it will make me look bad.  He insisted on having morning visitation and the supervisor is not available next week any morning, so it will be the following week on Tuesday morning at his house.

He has talked and talked about all the toys and things he has bought for them at his house during his supervised visitation.  He also has everything of theirs; toys, clothes, pets, etc.  He hasn't let them take anything of theirs since we left.  I told them to make a list of things they would like to bring here and give it to him at the supervised visitation.  I can't imagine him refusing them in front of the supervisor, but I guess we will see what happens.

The supervisor gushed to my lawyer how great he is with the children.  Yes, when someone is watching he can be a great father.  It sounds like she will be giving a good report to the judge.  I am feeling a little stronger this week, but it is worrisome to me that everyone seems to be falling for his acting and manipulation and has no regard for the abuse and pain he has put us through, not to mention how hard it is to leave our home and everything we own behind.  I am barely making enough to pay the bills with nothing left over to buy furniture and things we need.  Thankfully people have been generous and given us the basics so we are getting by. 

Thanks again for the support and advice!