child support

[Eco]

My NPD ex is refusing to cash my child support checks( she has 2 of them now) She is demanding cash instead of checks and is telling me I'm 2 months late now even though she has the 2 checks and I've documented me giving them to her and she has texted me refusing the checks. It doesn't specify in the court order how I pay but only that I pay her each month, I know she wants to open a case against me at the 3 month mark. In my state at 3 months behind child support division steps in.

Anyone encounter this before?

[david]

If you have proof you gave her the checks then you did what you were supposed to. What she does with the checks is her decision.
 
Paying cash would require a receipt, with the amount, in order to prove you actually paid. If you gave her cash and she refused to give you a receipt then you would have difficulty proving you gave her anything. She could also give a receipt with the incorrect amount. A canceled check handles all kinds of scenarios of dispute. If she gave you the checks back or refused to take them at all then bring those checks to court with you and also the text messages of her refusal. The checks are dated as well as the text messages. Let her explain it to the judge. Just keep a straight face in the courtroom. Wait until you are out of the building to laugh.

[Panda39]

I assume your state like mine has a way to automatically take money from you and put it in a bank account of hers.  (That's how my SO pays alimony to his uBPDxw) You might beat her to court and request the way payments are done be changed to a direct deposit situation since she is refusing your check payments.

I'm with david as always document... .document... .document... .

Panda39

[Nope]

Sounds like more than likely she wants to open a case so that they'll pull it directly from you. Does your state issue debit cards? If so, could this be happening because she doesn't have a bank account? The BPDm I deal with couldn't take checks or use a bank because she had a couple of credit card companies waiting to garnish money from her accounts.

I've found that when I'm dealing with BPDm it's best to assume I don't have the whole story.
Be prepared to cancel those checks if the money is taken from you some other way.

[whirlpoollife]

In my state I pay the state , then the state issues that support via a bank account , or debit card.  If not self employed its then automatically taken out of the paycheck. 
Either way , it's in the system otherwise it might get referred to as gift money.
I was thinking for you to try certified mail. But then she could say there was no check in the envelope when she received it.  But if she does not pick up the envelope at the PO , after 30days it would get sent back to you. Then you have more documentation .
If she has credit / bank issues , theres always check cashing places for her to cash your checks. 

[scraps66]

Going through the State eliminates all of this.  One thing about the checks, she now has your routing and account number.  If she still has your last name, she can pay bills over the phone using your account info.  My ex did this to me. 

[david]

In the beginning I was ordered to pay x amount of money. I wrote a check and sent it to the state. After two years I was ordered to appear because of arrears. I was not in arrears so I didn't know why I was being accused of that. I brought copies of the canceled checks , etc with me. My name was called and I was put in a conference room. Ex was not present. A man entered, got on the computer, and started to yell at me for being a deadbeat dad. When he took some air in I gently explained that I was not in arrears and handed over the proof. He looked it over and then told me that I was not allowed to do what I was doing ? My state, Penn., garnishes wages from your paycheck and apparently that is the way Penn. wants to do it.
I found out later that the state gets federal funds when they garnish wages for child support instead of me just paying it myself. The total they collect through garnishment determines how much federal funding they receive. The more they garnish the more funding they get. It's all about the money.

[ForeverDad]

When I was paying alimony I paid by deposit to our old joint account.  There was some risk because it was joint.  One time she transferred the money out twice in one month and got charged daily overdraft fees for the second one.  I managed to get it reduced some by a bank manager but left the rest for her to deal with.

When I was paying child support, the state garnished it from my wages.  My state charges a 2% administration fee.  I don't pay any now but it won't refund any credit balances until the children are adults.  I haven't checked to see how much overpayment there is after it stopped a couple years ago.  Years before I had about $500 to my credit sitting idle (2008 to 2010) before it restarted (2011 to 2013).  I joked that by the time son was 18 and they closed out the account, money would be worth less and it would buy son and me a couple hamburgers, maybe.

[ugghh]

Eco, for your own protection it is commonly recommended that you remit it to the state.  By sending checks directly to your ex you are giving her an opening to continue maintaining control over your life.

[Eco]

Thanks for the advice everyone. My ex just got engaged last month to a guy shes only known for less then 6 months and he just moved in with her. he was out of state but just moved here last month. My guess is that him moving in with her has triggered her because she does horrible when things get to close. When we moved in together I had to move out after 3 weeks.