Terrible situation yet again

[Rockieplace]

Horrible situation today which I unfortunately contributed to!  :'( :'(

Spent yesterday evening on the phone and Internet with BPDd threatening to harm herself again. She was supposed to start her first therapy course yesterday and started madly whatsapp messaging in the morning saying that her phone had been cut off and she didn't know what time her appointment was. I phoned up the clinic and found out and Bpdd asked me to book her a taxi which I did. Half an hour before the taxi was due she messaged me to say she couldn't go. She was not well. She had 'lost' her subutex and was feeling bad because of this and couldnt afford a taxi in any case.  Her speech was very slurred (she voicemailed over the Internet) I phoned the clinic to tell them and cancelled the taxi. I was so disappointed that she hadn't gone. Then I got a series of angry messages accusing us of running around after our granddaughter when we couldn't even given her a lift to this very important meeting and raging at her care manager for not returning her messages etc etc etc. I didn't even realise she needed our help otherwise I would have taken her. She has been telling me she is buying expensive makeup over the Internet and has had a huge stud inserted in her lip and has travelled to and fro by taxi all week. She visited a friend by taxi the previous day.  Later she said she was going to harm herself and told me which arteries she was aiming for etc. She told me that she had been in hospital three nights last week but she hadn't told me as she didn't want to worry me! My h phoned the crisis team who said that they couldn't deal with someone threatening suicide and that we should phone the police and ambulance!

She told us she didn't need them and she calmed down and said she had meditated and felt calmer and sent me pictures of her with the dogs. I validated as much as possible re the dogs loving her and being such a strong motive for getting better. Thus ended the conversation last night.

This morning I got a series of messages desperate because the dogs hadn't got any food and could I bring some over (it's around a 50 mile round trip). Then I got more demanding messages asking me to call the vets as one of the dogs was really ill and being really sick and groaning in pain. She said she was worried that the dog had swallowed her tablets!  (Since I offered to pay vet bills she has asked to take them to the vets every week at least once). I was with a friend so tried to slow down the conversation as much as possible. When the friend had left I jumped in the car and went to get the very expensive dog food (according to my BPDd the only food they will eat!) and took it round.  On getting in the house I was appalled by the state of the place. There was food lying all over the kitchen floor. Old dog food piled high in their dishes uneaten and eaten and uneaten food and filth everywhere.

Now this is where I slipped up big time. I said oh dear a couple of times and said that I was worried that the dog had eaten something off the floor. I also said that my d would get ill too by living like that. I know, I know, I shouldn't have said this. Anyhow my BPDd went ballistic and started screaming at me and chased me out onto the street yelling profanities and calling me disgusting names and all bad things.

I drove home shaken not stirred. When I got in she had sent me a long abusive text which ended by saying if you think that my house being a mess is upsetting what did I think about this... .Then she sent me some horrific pictures  of her opening up her veins in her arm and her leg. My h and I thought that she was doing it in real time and phoned emergency services. About half an hour later my daughter messaged that they had come and gone away again because they weren't needed!  We didn't understand what had happened but the h and I realised that she had taken these pictures last week when she had self-harmed then. We are sitting here In a state of shock. It is so upsetting that a) she should have recorded this self-harming for some reason and b) it is becoming increasingly obvious that she isn't capable of looking after herself or her dogs.

I had started to feel a little more confident about my communications with my d but now I realise that I have no ability to not make things worse. Very very low tonight.   :'( :'(

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Oh RP

My heart goes out to you. What a mess and so very cruel for you and your husband to see those pictures. Words are terrible but pictures and threats together are another level. I have no idea how on earth you're both coping.

I don't think I'm supposed to offer advice unless it's asked for. I'm hardly equipped any way. I can totally relate to making things worse by doing things for my BPDs25 he should be doing himself or by saying things in the wrong way. As it escalates It's just horrible and it's just not healthy to live life at such a sustained period of such high emotion. It's just exhausting. I become numb after a certain time, it helps.

I've experience of subutex and it became a problem for my BPDs.

Try and get some sleep, protect yourself for a little bit so you can gather yourself so you and your husband can get into wise mind.

Massive hugs

L

[lbjnltx]

Big hugs to you Rockieplace,  take care of self and remember... .things can change towards the better as quickly as they change towards worse.

lbj

[Rockieplace]

Thanks for your support lolly pop and LBJ. It is most appreciated.

Well at the end of another stressful day and - guess what? - I am now caretaking two dogs!

After the incident above I called her community care manager to tell her what had happened the day before and told her I really felt that my d was not able to care for herself at the moment. She agreed with me and said that she would arrange a medical assessment with my d's doctor urgently. This took place yesterday. We weren't told of the outcome but my d messaged me a few times making quite nasty accusations to me and saying how well the meeting had gone and that the doctor felt that her family needed to be more supportive etc. We didn't reply to any of this then this morning we got a call from same manager saying that they were going to section my d again and could we take the dogs?  I didn't know what to do. I felt that we had no choice. So ... . At least my d is safe again for the time being.

[Lollypop]

Dear Rp

I'm so sorry its come to this. I hope it's a breakthrough but if not then hope you accept its another step in the process for your daughter. It's so very difficult. She has her life but not yet able to manage nor accept what she needs to do. Have faith RP that she'll get there in the end. Stay strong and focus on your own needs, oh and the dogs!  At the very least, they'll take your mind off the problems during the walks and feeds.

Well done RP and hats off to your husband. Whatever happens you have each other and your grandchild to focus on.

L x

[wendydarling]

Hi RP

Hugs from me RP   …... my heart sank when I read your post, and your latest posts.  I’m so very sorry to hear your news, this disorder as many here say is horrid, for us and our loved one.  I’m glad your daughter is safe and hope you and H are gaining much needed respite. Are you getting help for you RP, and H?  You may recall I’m in bereavement counselling, it comes to an end soon – it’s really helped me recognise and separate the loss of my father last year and the trauma of BPDd that followed his passing.  While that may not take away the sheer exhaustion you are feeling now I hope it’s helpful to know I was unable to take this forward until I felt able to (yes a time did come where I could look at my journey forward) and it was with thanks to all the good folk here who regularly remind us to look after ourselves.  You too lost a loved one at the same time as me  :'(

I relate with lbj, things can improve as quickly as they deteriorate.  I continue to be joyful while I keep strong.

May you be strong today, with you RP.  The core to our journey is our loved one wanting to get better, and then  holding the NHS to account. The latter we can do.

WDx

[lbjnltx]

How are you getting on RC?  Have you heard anything re your daughter and what the treatment team is doing to help her?

Thinking of you.

lbj

[Rockieplace]

Thank you so much for your concern LBJ and Wendy (not forgetting Lollypop!). It makes a big difference!

Things continue to be quite challenging.  Firstly, because my d is so angry with her community care manager she can't seem to see past it and I'm not sure if I should try to encourage her to do so.  She just won't accept any responsibility for her situation.  She is convinced that she will return home on Friday, yes she's being discharged again,  get her dogs back and live happily ever after.  Secondly, the new consultant has decided that my d will be discharged back to 'community care' where he is prescribing an anger management course first and foremost and then to get some Voluntary work to 'build up her confidence'.  He said that she will 'grow out' of her BPD. 

My d can be very articulate, persuasive and capable-sounding when she wants to be and I think that she has managed to convince them that she would have been fine if the community care manager had done more to help her.  This is true to a certain extent so I am able to validate this part, which I do, but it is not at all the whole picture.  My d can't even get to the Post Office round the corner without a taxi which she can't afford so how she would get to an unpaid job I just don't know!  This is despite me totally agreeing with the benefits of voluntary work to help with self-esteem etc.  I have been doing the same myself.

I have asked her what she wants to do about her house (cleaning up-wise).  I said I would be happy to support her by working together with her if she needed me to and that it was entirely her decision.  My h and I had decided that we wouldn't do what we usually do and present her with a magically cleaned up house to come home to as it doesn't seem to do her any good that way.

I also believe I am allergic to her second dog!  Since the first night of having both dogs with us I have had an awful sore throat and scratchy cough with watering eyes and achy limbs etc.  This little dog is adorable but, unless it is a psychosomatic reaction ... ., I think I may be actually allergic to this little dog as I didn't have this reaction when only looking after her first dog - who is also adorable.  I gently mentioned this to my d in our daily blog and she quickly replied saying it couldn't be this as the dog is hypoallergenic on account of the fact that it has 'hair' rather than fur.  I researched this on line and there is actually no such thing although there are some breeds which are better than others.  I can see why she should find this upsetting but I've never had any allergic reactions to anything other than chemotherapy (another story!) in the past.

I'm now once again in a bit of a FOG situation.  I'm trying to put into practice some of the lessons I have learnt on here.  I did manage quite successfully to 'do over' the situation when I delivered dog food to my d's house and reacted badly to the state of the place, triggering the violent reaction from her described above.  I told her that I was sorry that she saw my reaction as judgmental and that I could totally understand why she should feel that.  I then very gently told her that I was actually feeling very sad and concerned to see how much she was struggling and that I should have hugged her and offered her help.  She responded quite well to this and it didn't feel too JADE-y on my part as I really did feel that I got it wrong and made things worse on this occasion.

So, sorry to drone on, we are now just a little unsure how to proceed.  I would have thought that the self-harming aspect of my d's behaviour should have been given priority rather than her anger.  It's not as if she has physically hurt anyone really but herself!  I would be grateful if anyone has any suggestions about things we can do or say to help the situation.      

   

[wendydarling]

Hi RP   

"I think that she has managed to convince them that she would have been fine if the community care manager had done more to help her" - help in what way RP, what does help mean for your daughter? I ask because my daughter very hotly refused to be discharged from hospital in February and they listened and sent her to a woman's home for three weeks, just part of the journey - but a good one, and your daughter deserves the very same! Adult daughter was listened to, and is doing well.  I have learned much by standing back and listening and understanding my daughter's wants for treatment and validating her wishes with the medics. My daughter is also a force to be reckoned with when it comes to her care, I'm proud of her and I always keep in mind how challenging it is for our BPD's to communicate what they need as adults with the very trying NHS system. Guess I'm feeling, if I were you I'd place this top of my priority and leave house state, debts, ways, dogs for now and focus on understanding her frustration of not being heard and receiving DBT, treatment.  Is that what she is aiming for, though it's not made available for her, yet? 

Great do over RP, doing the same myself daily, it feels good! 

Have you considered calling your vet to ask about your dog allergy, GP too. I was allergic to cats until I had one, after a month I naturally lost the allergy.    things do come good ...

 WDx

[Rockieplace]

Hi Wendy. You see my d is the opposite of yours at the moment and just wants to be discharged and get home to the dogs. She says she wants a structured care plan which I have been pressing for too (through letters/phone calls etc) but we are told all the time that my d is not suitable because of this, that or the other.  However, sometimes we find that what we have been pressing for has been declined by my d even though it was recommended so we can't always trust her to tell us the truth. It is so complicated.  I have been told that DBT is not suitable for my d at the present time as she is not ready for it. I don't know if I believe this and actually don't think it is even available in the community in our area. I'm really in a FOG about the whole situation.  I know that the cleaning is not the priority but at the same time it is the easiest thing to offer my help with. I'm more worried about the risk of continued self-harm. It is a constant dread and threat which is blighting our lives.   :'( :'(

[Lollypop]

Hi RP

first of all, I wanted to tell you that I think of you most days and wonder how you're getting on. WD too for that matter. Although we've never met I feel we've connected and your post has brought tears to me eyes.


You've said you're both "a little unsure how to proceed".  You've also asked for suggestions for things you can do or say to help the situation,

I think WD's words are wise ones, it's all about priorities and treatment has to the the number one focus as your daughter has said she wants treatment And is trying to get it.

I can only say from my own experience, a turning point was when we told our BPDs we would not give him any more money, not one penny. He had a choice to make, despite his anxieties: work or go on benefits. He wouldn't take responsibility for himself. So we have to make him but in a loving but strong way.

So advice from me. Stay strong. Take your time and consider every action you take "to help". Keep on reading, learning, practising, posting. You're doing great RP and it's all part of the process.

Hugs 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi RP

Just reaching out to you after re-reading this thread.

I've been reflecting back on those times when I've been completely lost in a whirlwind of chaos. I felt I had to stop it as nobody else would but I just didn't know how to. My H was doing his best but he couldn't see through the FOG either.

I couldn't make my BPDs see what I wanted him to see. He was disassociated from the situation and us, he lived life hour by hour. I accepted that nothing I did or said was going to make any difference, it only made things worse. I really felt my BPDs needed a MASSIVE change in his circumstances to get him to see straight and MY priority was for him to give up the drugs. We were co-dependant and enablers too. We felt his pain, he couldn't feel ours.

Yes, I agree with you RP it's all really so very complicated. I strained myself to breaking point as I reacted violently to his behaviours and actions. What I found the most difficult was to witness his complete lack of wanting to change. When I did convince him to try and change, he always failed thus increasing anxieties and furthering his viewpoint "I can't do this, I'm weak and worthless".

Left with no alternative, I got help for myself.

I found it wasn't so complicated as I thought. I started to be calm, I could see clearer. I needed to put me, H and younger son first.

We reached the end. We understood we couldn't change him. We got some space between us, BPDs went away travelling. We kept in touch. I can see now that this physical space was crucial for all of us. Particularly as he had been "stuck" in a cycle for years. As we had been too. I take responsibility for my own part in this.

Forgive me if I'm rambling and this sounds silly. This is how I see it:

There's two whirlwinds. Your daughter is in hers. You and your family are in the other.

You have complete control over yours and you can choose your course - you have the ability to learn better skills to do so. Your daughter may never take control of hers but one thing is for sure, she can't until you move yours a little bit away.

My BPDs makes his own choices about how he lives his life. I have decided to walk beside him for a while.

We've found a way forward, but we've inched there. You will find yours too RP.

[Bpd mother]

Hi RP

Our daughters sound very similar in their inability to keep their houses clean . There is always old food lying around , dirty clothes on the floor and general dirt and mess. Once when they were on holiday we went there everyday and cleaned the whole house but this was the wrong thing to do as it was seen as a criticism .

My husband offered to pay for a cleaner to go once a week but this was also seen as criticism so we had to leave it.

She loves animals and has rescued rats ,gerbils,mice, and hamsters around the house and this just adds to the mayhem.

I worry about the health of my grandchildren but keep telling myself they will have strong immune systems.

You are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation. Continue to look after yourself.

[Rockieplace]

Thank you so much for all your comments and suggestions. It makes such a difference as you no doubt know.

Update: d discharged yesterday but from what I gather - which is only of course from my d - they laid down very strict criteria for her discharge and put it down in a written agreement that my daughter was obliged to sign.  My d felt that it was the most positive in patient experience she has had. She was got a care plan in place involving certain things she should do and certain aspects provided by her community care team each week.

my h met her at her house with the dogs - hoorah- when she was delivered from the hospital which was 2 hours away as we had her house key. The alarm was going off due to the fact the electricity board had been to install a pre-paying meter as she hasn't paid her bills. They didn't know the passcode so couldn't disarm it so had to wait around 20 mins for it to go off on its own!  My d naturally got quite upset and was sure that someone (probably her landlord) had been in which freaked her out because of the state of the place. We had only done a superficial clear out of rubbish as mentioned previously. She started blaming us saying that we were supposed to be looking after the place etc etc. I think she was very surprised that we hadn't cleaned up. She settled down though by taking the dogs out for a walk while my h tried to sort out the alarm. So... .Not what you would call a stress-free homecoming. Also my d had had her debit card stolen apparently from the ward so had no money!  To cut a long story short she settled down, the alarm stopped and my h, blood-pressure sky high (he has been worryingly suffering chest pains all week and takes tablets for high blood pressure) shakily drove home, came in and poured himself a stiff drink.

I got a couple of OK messages from my d later on saying she might take me up on my offer of help in the clean up!  She was merrily posting make-up pics on Facebook during the evening. This is typical isn'?. We are all left feeling like we have just taken part in the last act of a Greek tragedy and she is cheerily posting on Facebook! 

Having said that It was not too bad an end to a rather stressful day.  Love and hugs to all   

[wendydarling]

Hey RP

Great analogy, Greek tragedy. It kind of highlights what LP was explaining the need for us to step away from the fear of, and make space. So sorry to hear of H chest pains, has he been checked over by the Doc this week? 

That's good to hear, your daughter has a care plan which she and the care team have has signed up to and which she is pleased with. Sounds like some trust has been established.

You were right to leave the idea and decision of wanting to live in a clean home to your daughter, good choice RP as LP's says 'our BPDs may never take control, but one thing is for sure they can't until we move a little bit away'. Now that my daughter wants her room to be clean and tidy (after more than a decade of a dump  ) it is   she sees it as part of her recovery, to regulate her room!   one month in and I'm validating, making sure it does not go unnoticed.

My daughter is away this weekend and I'm brushing up on tools and lessons as I feel rusty!

I truly wish you and H a peaceful week ahead.

WDx 

[Rockieplace]

Just when we think things couldn't get any worse - yes, you guessed it - it did.   

It was only last Friday that BPDd33 was discharged feeling very positive about the agreement she had signed etc.   That seems so long ago now. By Saturday she was sounding very wobbly and low and Sunday I couldn't get very much out of her on the phone and was very concerned.  She was also complaining about the dogs making her feel awful by wanting to go out for endless walks etc. I wrote another long letter detailing my concerns to her care manager. 

On Monday I had another long conversation with d where she admitted that she couldn't manage on her own and that her care manager had told her that, if she did anything again then they would section her again long term. This upset my d while at the same time she admitted that this was probably going to be necessary. She said that she could sell the youngest dog to a good home if I would agree to take the other dog. As you know I had said we wouldn't look after two dogs. This is more my h's stipulation than mine but I'm absolutely backing him up on it. I validated pretty well in this  conversation  and agreed to take the one dog with my h's agreement. We had looked after this dog anyhow for most of last year and even my h, who isn't a doggy person, has grown quite fond of him.

The next day we were going on a planned two week holiday where I was also meeting up with an old school friend.   I got numerous messages and calls throughout the day, while we were packing up the car asking if we could postpone the trip. I was on the phone to the crisis team, her care manager etc to see if they could help her.  This has been a pattern in the past that every time we go away my d has a self-harming event. She even said this time that her care manager had asked if we could postpone. I phoned this person and she strenuously denied saying that.

Anyhow we finally set off - h was absolutely insistent on us going as scheduled - and 8 hours into an 11 hour drive we got a telephone call from the care manager to say that my d was in hospital having taken an overdose and they didn't know yet what the prognosis was as it was paracetamol that she had taken. We didn't know what to do but just kept driving and weren't able to get any more info.

I checked for messages this morning and there was one from my BPDd sent during the night saying that she couldn't give up the second dog and that it would kill her if she did so!  So - am sitting here in a complete fog about how to respond to this latest bit of what feels like extreme manipulation. My h categorically won't give in over the second dog. I don't even know if we should even be worrying about the dog situation at this time when my d is in hospital and feel terribly guilty about doing so.  All my instincts tell me that my d is trying to corner us again and again I feel guilty for even writing that last sentence.  I know I have to gently but firmly say that she will need to act in the best interests of the dog  and if that means finding it a good home then that is up to her because it's not possible for us to take it.

How does that sound? Advice needed again.

       

[lbjnltx]

I'm sorry that this has happened. The overwhelming feelings of abandonment some of our children feel when we are far away from them (or even make plans to be far away) triggers them in an extreme way.

Do you think that she may be kind of projecting her feelings onto her dog?  She feels abandonment and it is terrible----->if she gives up the dog the dog will feel abandoned (terrible) and the guilt feeling is too much for her.

How might you validate her feelings regarding giving up the dog?  Promoting it as an act of kindness, selflessness, and maturity may help  her deal with her feelings and make the right decision for both the dog and herself.

I hope that you can find respite somewhere during your trip.

lbj

[Rockieplace]

Hi there. Thanks LBJ - that is a good suggestion. However, The situation has changed a few times over the last few hours. It had actually changed before I had finished typing my last post without me knowing it. Firstly my d is OK medically thank goodness. Secondly she said that she had found a permanent good home for the youngest dog with a relative of a friend who was coming to collect it from her. Then she changed her mind again and had a big row with said friend who withdrew (probably licking her wounds) Then, with the help of a social worker, a person was found who acts for a charity in such situations who will take both dogs and will keep the second one either permanently or until my d is better. We will collect the first one on our return. So that sounds as if the dogs are sorted. Phew.

Now we have been contacted by various members of her care team and told that my d is being sectioned this afternoon and taken to a unit for long term in patient therapy. My d has been texting me accusing us of abandoning her etc etc.and saying that her care team are disgusted with us for not communicating with them either. Now i know that this is not true as of course we have been communicating with them. I am anxious not to transmit  this information or say the wrong thing until after this intervention as the care workers fear my d will try to abscond. So I am being my usual cowardly self and avoiding replying which is enraging my d.  Oh I so hate this horrible illness!  I'm feeling quite overwhelmed by it all. I'm just going to try to draft some nice loving, validating texts to send when I think it is safe to do so. Fingers crossed.

[lbjnltx]

Ok, so one issue resolved and your d is going into long term inpatient therapeutic care.

Sounds like things are moving in very positive directions right now. 

Please take time to experience relief and rest.

[Lollypop]

Hi RP

first of all, well done to both of you getting this far in such a situation. It must have taken real willpower not to turn around in the car.

You both knew that your daughter shouldn't get two dogs and you expressed your concerns at the time. Your daughter made her decision and is now dealing with the consequences regarding the problem of dog care. It's hard enough coping with two dogs in a stable life and your husband is refusing to step in. It's so great you can stand together on this situation.

It really sounds like your daughters situation may be taking a real turn for the better. It must be very very hard for you and the family but, at the same time, such a relief to know she's getting help. She's asking for help, she must be very emotional with the trauma and actions. You can get some much needed rest and space you both need.

If your biggest problem each day is how to word a validating text then brilliant! Keep on loving RP and enjoy your holiday.

L

[Rockieplace]

Thank you so much. Yes I think I may be able to get some sleep tonight and we can just relax and enjoy our break now. We are both exhausted. My d wanted me to make decisions for her about the dogs etc which is why I didn't feel able to reply because I was so convinced that she had to make the decisions based on hers and the dogs needs. I'm learning but sometimes it feels as if you are damned if you do and damned if you don't as the saying goes.  I am very lucky to have the support and backing of my h nowadays. He suffers too though and it affects his health so much. Something else on the long long list of things I worry about!

I also keep telling myself that we are fortunate only to be caring for dogs and not children. Now that would be really worrying and my heart goes out to those on here who are in that situation.   

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hugs to you RP  , I feel very emotional reading your latest  :'( I hope you and h are ok today. Hang in there, it does get better, small steps work. I too am learning, my daughter feels safe to share her feelings, shame, guilt, negative thoughts, anxieties - I listen, empathise, validate, we talk about wise mind together, while I may not get it right all the time, she validates my efforts back to me. 

I understand the hell you felt by not returning and hope you feel comfort in hindsight she had help in your absence. Your daughter wants help, like mine. That your d is in care may provide you to work with her. Thinking of you both.

Hope.

WDx

[Rockieplace]

Thank you Wendy for your encouraging words yet again.  Lots has happened as usual in the last few days but at least we have been able to relax a little and regroup. 

Firstly, my d got the results of a blood test taken when she was in hospital and it transpired that she had an over-active thyroid.  She jumped on this as, in her words, 'this explains everything' - which of course it doesn't.  It can be caused by all sorts of things but she is being referred to an endocronologist (sp?) to find out about this aspect.  She has been very distressed and emotional in her messages about the dogs and how bad she feels about abandoning them.  I have been careful to validate her feelings about them and reassuring her that she is doing the right thing for them long term by doing everything she can to get better.

She is being assessed for long term in-patient treatment (DBT etc etc) on Monday as she has been put forward as an urgent case finally.  The treatment can last up to two years depending upon progress made.  My d is wobbling about this but still seems to acknowledge somewhat reluctantly that this is necessary.  The only problem now is that she changes her mind so quickly and by Monday goodness knows what she will think is a good course of action.  She is still under section though and I've got the impression that the people in charge of her care have decided that this is the only option that might work for our d so I'm hoping that it won't, as it seems to have been in the past, be down to the whims and wishes of my d.

Thanks again to all for your support. 

P.S. I've been referred to a counsellor by my doctor (in addition to the anti-depressants, which appear to be working - I think) and have got an appointment when I get back.  I hope I have been booked a long appointment.  Around two days would just about give me time to relate the whole sorry story! 

[lbjnltx]

This does sound like very positive plans of action are being put forth for your daughter... .and you!

If she is sectioned can't they just transfer her inpatient to another facility?  At least initially?

It would be good info for others to know how far the sectioning arm extends into her ongoing care.

Let us know!  And I'm glad that you are taking the time and energy to look after yourself. 

lbj

[wendydarling]

RP that is indeed heartening to hear they are considering your daughter an urgent case and talking about providing long term in patient care. I hope this is confirmed by the assessment tomorrow.

Ha, a two day counselling session, you might just have to talk very, very, very quickly!   glad to hear you are resting up, taking care of you and retaining your sense of humour. Every little helps   

[Rockieplace]

Sorry it has taken me so long to update on the situation. It has been a very busy week. My BPDd is still in an acute ward under section and awaiting placement.  She has been assessed as in need of intensive, long term, in patient treatment of a minimum of 6 months up to two years.  She definitely wants this treatment but has arbitrarily appealed her section as she says she misses the dogs too much. We are sitting out the constant calls with her oscillating between extreme distress, anger and occasional optimism.

She is still able to spend money from the hospital seemingly which I find strange. I don't know whether or not to question this with the staff.

Sadly she has continued to self-harm too. She is often expressing extreme self-hatred which is very upsetting.

We are just waiting for this placement to come through which should hopefully take place this week. They have found 4 suitable places and all of them seem to be offering the full range of therapies including DBT.

Meanwhile we are caring for the one dog (the other is being looked after by a charitable person although subsidised by us which is fine.) We have been gradually trying to clear her house which is in an awful state exacerbated by the fact that the electricity is off (the company have installed a meter and she has hadn't paid her bills. The fridge freezer was filled with filth which is rotting away.   I would just take it to the tip but my d is raging that she wants everything salvaging and storing. She is of course promising to pay for storage (how and with what she doesn't specify) so we are I a bit of a dilemma about what to do.

She told us by the way that she had stopped taking her anti-depressants two days before our planned holiday which no doubt precipitated her overdose!   We have found paperwork in her house which has been quite enlightening about her perspective on her life and behaviour up to now. I will post about this in a different post as it raises of few issues regarding false accusations and distorted memory. I have been reading all of the posts on here and wish you all the best in your struggles  sorry I haven't had time to contribute but please be sure that I am thinking about you all.   

[Lollypop]

Hi there RP

Thanks for taking the time to update. I really hope that writing it down has helped your own mindset. I find it helpful anyway.

It's such great news that your d is in the system. I know you're very busy sorting out practical issues and, again, it's keeping you busy in a very positive way.  I'm sorry I can't advise you on what to keep and store. My BPDs is a hoarder and I don't envy you the task.  I've no idea how much storage costs but would it be possible to store a good proportion of it?  I'm wondering if she might find the process of dealing with it therapeutic when she's better?  But possibly not! 

When she's settled are you allowed to visit with her dogs?

It sounds as if you're feeling strong!

I really hope she stabilises and the self harming stops very soon.
Hugs
L

[wendydarling]

Hi RP

Good to hear things are moving forward RP and they are able to provide DBT, additional therapies is fantastic. 

I'm sorry your daughter continues to self harm, it's a heightened emotional time of change leaving her home, dogs and moving on to inpatient treatment.  It's a lot to process alongside her commitment to recover, I understand her confusion.  I wish her calm and peace and that she settles as an inpatient soon that you can work alongside her learning as I am with my daughter, small steps, great learning strides! 

Re belongings, storing is good apart from anything that is a ponging health risk as you say.  My daughter recently let many belongings of the past go, she spent time problem solving emotional mind - wise mind - logical mind.

Take care RP and your H too.   

WDx 

[wendydarling]

Hey RP, been thinking of you everyday since you last posted, your daughter, you and family.

See you here when it fits you RP, I hope life is working in the right direction for all.

WDx