all is calm

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Last night she changed from volatile to loving caring. This peace won't last and I'm waiting for the next trigger to surface. I was planning my birthday party for just a small group of family. The restaurant where I booked told me 50 people cannot be seated there. I said you have it wrong it is 15 people. She invited her friends. I cancelled everything

[adaw]

Last night she changed from volatile to loving caring. This peace won't last and I'm waiting for the next trigger to surface. I was planning my birthday party for just a small group of family. The restaurant where I booked told me 50 people cannot be seated there. I said you have it wrong it is 15 people. She invited her friends. I cancelled everything

[once removed]

can you elaborate? why did you cancel everything?

the next trigger will surface - you cant always prevent that. anticipating it vs walking on eggshells is a fine line. what can you do to make things more peaceful for you, specifically?

[adaw]

My functions are also a time I exploit to network. As most of her so called friends are degenerates they can have a huge negative on my standing in the industry. I had no choice, but arranged another function for a different date without informing her

[schwing]

Hi adaw,

Last night she changed from volatile to loving caring. This peace won't last and I'm waiting for the next trigger to surface.

Consider the possibility that for people with BPD (pwBPD), feelings of closeness and intimacy are a trigger for their disordered feelings. 

I was planning my birthday party for just a small group of family.

So a party with just a small group of family, may be precisely the kind of context that would trigger her.

The restaurant where I booked told me 50 people cannot be seated there. I said you have it wrong it is 15 people. She invited her friends. I cancelled everything

So it's no wonder that she tried to change it into a completely different kind of party.

I had no choice, but arranged another function for a different date without informing her

Keeping her in the dark will work out better for the event itself, but if she finds out that you arranged something without informing her, this will certainly trigger her abandonment fears.  Tread carefully.

Best wishes,

Schwing

[waverider]

My functions are also a time I exploit to network. As most of her so called friends are degenerates they can have a huge negative on my standing in the industry. I had no choice, but arranged another function for a different date without informing her

Is there any reason you couldn't have two separate events from the start, and be enthusiastic  about both. I can see how a birthday social being used as a networking event can undermine a celebration point of view.

It seems like you both have secondary agendas, so you may as well plan for that and make them separate.

[adaw]

I am not a social person. I have experienced, and I might be wrong, that BPD have a God complex. When we met I was starting out and my career took off shortly after that. She claims it was her doing but during that phase I did everything myself, rubbing shoulders with the right people and linking up with influential people. She just boasted within her circle how good I am. I cannot see how her unemployed, alcholic drug addicted gambling buddies, none of them with any contacts in my field, furthered my career in any way. So I would rather entertain my contacts and family than them.

[waverider]

I am not a social person. I have experienced, and I might be wrong, that BPD have a God complex. When we met I was starting out and my career took off shortly after that. She claims it was her doing but during that phase I did everything myself, rubbing shoulders with the right people and linking up with influential people. She just boasted within her circle how good I am. I cannot see how her unemployed, alcholic drug addicted gambling buddies, none of them with any contacts in my field, furthered my career in any way. So I would rather entertain my contacts and family than them.

Claiming credit for the achievements of others simply by association certainly is a BPD trait.

I dont believe you should mix the the two circles of people. Mixing with her friends as a separate thing, is something you would be doing for her, not for your own gain. Not everything we do is for our own gain.

[adaw]

My BPD lashes out without provocation and I struggle not to jade

[adaw]

She hammered me on a very sensitive point I lost my temper and reacted. I know this cannot be fixed.

[adaw]

Never mind she exploded so there no use. The cause I didn't know how far it is to the nearest high school. Firstly none of us have kids who attended any school in the neighborhood we now lived for 2 months. Second attack you want to tell me that you don't know how close it is to the nearest 16 year old skank, and so the saga continues