What a life

[need a break]

Wow it is a very long hard life to be the parent of an adult child who has among other  issues BPD. There are sometimes glimmers of hope but are soon faded into the horrific life that my D leads. Sometimes I want to ask her "why continue? why not just end it" I would NEVER make that statement to her but have felt it very often in the last 7 years. The first 8 years I was hopeful. Maybe she is just miserable for me? Maybe she has friends and feels loved and has good days but doesn't share those things with me because she needs to make me feel bad and torture me, and make me feel like I am responsible for her mental illness.

If she only knew how responsible I do feel, how much self loathing I go through everyday, how waking up is the hardest part and going to sleep because I have survived the day is the best part of my day. How I scream and cry and hold my hand up to god or the universe or who ever and say WHY?
How I have to pretend at work and with family that I'm o.k. that I am handling the grief, and then go eat a row of Oreo's to numb my pain, or take a Xanax to rest my mind.

I am on meds, I am in therapy, I do try to walk everyday for about an hour. I just need someone to tell me this will work itself out, that this is not really our life as a family, that I have been in a terrible nightmare for a long time. Please pinch me and wake me up.

Thank you for listening

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Gorges]

Maybe you could try DBT for yourself.  In particular "radical acceptance" I have to practice this for my daughter and for myself and how I have contributed to the problem.  I also should probably practice it for my husband's part in the problem.  I think the acceptance starts when you stop hoping that the problem will end and get to a place where you can tolerate it and accept that your child will make their own choices and have their own life.  You can support them but can't fix it.  For me this has been much easier once my daughter turned 18.

[need a break]

Maybe you could try DBT for yourself.  In particular "radical acceptance" I have to practice this for my daughter and for myself and how I have contributed to the problem.  I also should probably practice it for my husband's part in the problem.  I think the acceptance starts when you stop hoping that the problem will end and get to a place where you can tolerate it and accept that your child will make their own choices and have their own life.  You can support them but can't fix it.  For me this has been much easier once my daughter turned 18.

I am in therapy and thought I thought I had accepted everything that is going on. When I see my BPD daughter being self destructive do I not step in? Then I do to save her life and then I get sucked back down the rabbit hole of hell. My D is 28. There is little to nothing else that we can do except try to keep her alive.

Wishing you and your family the best