Replacement caretaker as relative?

[Derek1690]

Can the replacement caretaker sometimes be non-romantic, for instance a close family relation (mother, sister, brother) of the person with BPD, and what if that relative may also have similar challenges themself, how can this complicate how the person with BPD now sees and treats the original romantic caretaker who they have recently abandoned? Thanks.

[Notwendy]

Since BPD is part of the person, it will affect all relationships. However - it is a disorder that affects the most intimate relationships. The romantic one is potentially the most intimate- as it involves the physical aspect of intimacy in addition to emotional. However, it is not usually the only emotionally intimate relationship we have.

Family members and close friends are also emotionally intimate relationships and BPD behaviors can impact all of them. In the case where there are poor boundaries between family members, this can be disordered.

One situation can be the drama triangle. Then a variant is triangulation. Family members can be enlisted as caretakers. Black and white thinking can result in who is the favored caretaker and who is not.

Even if you understand this, you still can decide your part in this- how you wish to proceed in your circumstances.  At the moment, you feel abandoned and replaced,  even if the "replacement" relationship doesn't have a physical/romantic component. This surely feels bad, no matter how it is done. At this point, you can make your own decisions based on how you feel- regardless  of her choices.