Hey PW-
The damage this caused in my personal life is insurmountable. It has also been the best life lesson I have ever received although I wish I had not had to experience this.
Is it really true that it's been insurmountable? You have a job, you're in a new relationship, and you're here continuing to address issues. Is it better to make things worse than they are, better than they are, or actually how they are?
Over the past year I pretty much eliminated five people from my life.
As I said in other posts, I have not heard a peep from her since I was replaced however just having known her has profoundly changed me.
Are those changes for the better or worse? I too removed several people from my life once I left my ex and detached; one benefit of the experience can be that we wake up to our lives, certainly true in my case, and once awake it can become clear that some of our existing relationships are disempowering and need to be removed, so there's more room to populate our lives with empowering ones.
I want a day to come where I don't have regrets. That I don't hate her so much I wish she was dead. There are days I wish she would get hers. I am not a violent person. This relationship made me vengeful and I hate that part of me.
Anger is a stage of detachment, although it's a stage, are you stuck? And one thing I've noticed is although the anger wanes, the ability to get angry doesn't, which is a good thing, sometimes necessary in enforcing boundaries, and if we've spent time as a doormat, let people step all over us, that's a handy new tool yes?
My new GF is probably one of the nicest most understanding people I have ever met. I have found myself challenging her and almost picking a fight because I can't understand why she hasn't left me yet.
Have you told her that, have you had that conversation? Is this an opportunity to take this relationship to another level so you don't repeat any patterns from the last one?
I really want to let go of this anger. It's just hard when the negativity surrounds me in my workplace.
So what's preventing you from letting it go? Is there a benefit to keeping it? And is it possible to get a new job; how far are you willing to go in the creation of the life of your dreams?
I feel better not having the negativity in my life yet at times I doubt myself because I am the one common factor in all those toxic relationships. Is it me? This is what I struggle with.
Great question, and great introspection, keep going!
