Boiling point Hours from drastic action

[Jacidrinkswine]

This is about to get nasty. For those have read my past post and new people. I have moved 1200 miles away. Started a new healthy relationship and still plagued by my BPD or psychopath ex. She now claimes to be pregnant - which is technically possible from the last time I saw her. She will only get an abortion if break up with my new relationship and admit infidelity. Regaurless of you're view on abotion I want nothing to do with her. I have her on tape admitting to lying about  taking birth control and saying she inserted semen in her vagina in hope of conceiving. In addition I have hours of conversation in which she admits to prostitutuon and financing drug deals for the Mafia. She is a pathological liar but I believe there is some truth to her nefarious activity. I am hours away from going to the fbi nypd and other authorities with these stories. I Wil also goto her ex husband and parrents . I do not believe she is fit to raise her ten year old son . I know she can hurt my reputation or financially hurt me by having a baby. I don't care anymore - almost willing to risk everything to get her out of my life. I no longer have empathy or compassion for her sickness. This will get ugly- any advice appreciated . Ty .

[Turkish]

This would be,  if true,  a life changing event.  The stuff about the mafia is concerning also.  Even if it's not true,  it sounds like she could drag your name through the mud. 

Before you contact people in her life (keep in mind,  we don't know if this is true), coyote you step back and check what your legal obligations might be here,  whether true or not?  Can she force you to do a DNA test? 

[Jacidrinkswine]

My understanding of New York law is that If am determined to be the biological father I would be required to pay 17 percent of my income for 18 years regardless of the circumstances.

[Turkish]

You can only be determined to be the father by science (or if you claim a child,  I am assuming). Under the law,  can she compel a DNA test?  

My buddy had a similar situation,  but the mother was in Wisconsin.  He volunteered his DNA.  What's NY law say? 

[Jacidrinkswine]

My understanding is through a court order.

[Turkish]

www.lawny.org/index.php/advocate-page-attorney-resources-119/38-public-advocate-information/171-paternity-for-advocates

Under the Evidence section,  it looks that way.  If your documentation is solid,  it's probably better to see a lawyer first before involving the authorities,  where possible control of this situation may be taken out of your hands.  You sound like you've done a good job documenting everything,  but what you are saying you want to do will be documented as well.  By the authorities for sure,  and possibly by the civilians. 

It may seem dire right now,  and I'd certainly feel that way,  but can you take a pause to get legal advice in real life? 

[heartandwhole]

Hi Jacidrinkswine,

Oh my, I'd be hopping mad in your shoes. I can fully understand your anger here. I'm really sorry you have to go through this.

I'd like to echo    Turkish's advice: before you do anything drastic, take a few breaths and plan your strategy. I know from experience that taking rash action in this kind of state can lead to regrets. If you can get some legal advice ASAP, that's the route I'd go. You've worked hard to protect yourself up until this point; don't let it all go down the drain because of her threats. Remember, it MAY not even be true.

Gather your resources and DO NOTHING until you have your plan. Keep us posted. We're here for you.

heartandwhole

[ForeverDad]

I agree with the others, seek local legal advice first.  Get consultations from more than one family law attorney.  That way you receive more than one set of opinions, suggestions and strategies.

Is NY her state?  If not, then another question for the lawyers is which state she could use to start a paternity case.  Would it be her state, your new state, or whichever one she chose?  Is there some other nearby state to make your residence which has less onerous laws?

Understand too that you simply cannot trust that what she claims is true.  It is very likely she is conducting an 'extinction burst' of claims and demands, expecting to overwhelm you into returning to the way things were.  Time will reveal if she really is pregnant or not.

Same for her demands that you end your new relationship, return to her, confess or declare how evil you are for leaving her.   She is trying to strong arm you back into compliance with her unilateral terms.