We're done..

[catclaw]

Ok, we're kind of done by now.

Bpdm denied ss9 therapy for no apparent reason. We don't have any legal option to get help because she has 50% custody.

Cps, the therapist the counsellor tell dh to get along with BPDm - this is said to be the only option to help ss. Also, we shouldnot go to court but need to cooperate.

She twists and turns around every single claim and turns it against us and so one sees it.

The only "cure" to ss if obviously to cooperate and give in to her wishes. While she doesn't accept therapy for ss (because we're the ones to blame for his problems), she wants parenting counselling and "couple therapy". She denied talks for 2 years and right now claims we never granted her wish to communicate. All this while ss goes unnoticed.

We're about to bring everything to light and go to court. I'm so done.

[ForeverDad]

I was separated at the time I filed for divorce in 2006.  While preparing my papers the month before I found out that my ex, with her "temp custody" order, had enrolled our preschooler in counseling.  Naturally, they quasi-agency refused to share any information with me or let me be involved because sight unseen they considered me a risk to endanger children or others despite me having typical court ordered alternate weekends.  (After a year of efforts I finally got a court order to get access to his records.)  Anyway, when I complained to my lawyer about it, he told me courts love counseling.

I don't know about your court but if you can document the discord between parents and impact on the children, then the court should be more likely to look favorably on counseling.  Just be sure an experienced counselor is selected, that mother doesn't choose her own counselor/enabler and isn't in charge of counseling.

Meanwhile the school counselors should be a resource you and the children can utilize.

[catclaw]

The problem is, BPDm doesn't stick to any resource long enough for them to notice her disorder. Whenever she's criticised, she moves to the next town and plays the victim there. Ss had loads of different pediatricians when he still lived with her.

we had al the papers ready to get a therapy granted for 1 year. She denied to sign the paperwork without giving any reason. But she's fine with ss going to a therapy that can be cancelled at any time. Problem: the therapist won't do it any longer without the due paperwork and the support of cps. Talk about commitment... .

Where i live, you only get a chance i court if every attempt apart from court has failed. Like, if you've tried all kinds of parenting classes, couple therapy (even as divorced parents) and prove to be cooperative. She has denied moderated talks for 2 years and now claims that she's tried twowet in touch with dh for years but was always told no which is then taken for granted (she plays the role of ghe worried and pregnant mom who is the victim perfectly). We have all the e-mails, nobody wants to see them. They (r7ght now ss' potential therapist, cps and the parenting counsellor) insist on finding a solution for the future instead of finding a way of communication that implies getting a closure for all the illegal and damaging stuff she did during 9 years.

If we go to court, chances are that we will be "the bad guys" for not getting involved in endless talks with BPDm, because that shows a lack of interest in ss' wellbeing. The only way to prove we care is to get involved in BPDm's madness. Our system is so freaking damaged and enabling... .she suddenly wanted ss back after we had our lawyer remind her of due child support and now it's not about whether she's getting him back or not, dh and BPDm are sent to parenting counselling (by cps) to decide when the best time for ss has come to move back in with her. This is pure madness... .

I, myself, am not willing to take responsibility in everyday life for a kid which is denied medical help. Ss is torn apart in thks situation and we cannot properly care for his needs without a therapy.

Just a few days ago he told my mom that he tells his mom horror stories about life with us when he feels the need to have BPDm worried. Like we shout at him all day, punish him for everything, deny him food etc. He was not remorseful at all, but felt it was his right to invent stories to get his mother's attention as this seems to be the only strategy he knows will work with BPDm... .he's doing miserable and caught in between and i'm not going to keep pulling him... .is this understandable?