So sad

[Yesisosad]

Hello,

I am here because it comforts me to hear about others who love a BPD spouse, but feel like the relationship is toxic. I hate that I have to walk on eggshells. I feel betrayed. This man is not the person I fell in love with, and I feel stuck... .I have tried leaving before, but I always come back. The first time was a list of promises and boundaries that lead me back. The second tI'm it was dialectic therapy. Things go well at first, but soon they always return to ever predictable roller-coaster that is BPD. I try to express how I feel only to be told I am playing victim. I try to avoid arguments, but it always fails. I'm so ashamed for putting up with this and dragging my children through this. If I had not been so trusting, so gullable, so in love, but I so desperately yearned for the void he filled, and now I have lost hope that this will ever work. 

[Georg]

It's very tough. :-(
I know what you are talking about.
But don't blame yourself. We are just human beings, and we long for love. And sometimes we find it in these kind of persons that have these difficult different side. I know exactly how you feel. I hope it will work out for you, somehow. That you can maybe leave this relation.
There seem to be a lot of wise people here. I hope you will get some good advice from them.

Best Regards
Georg

[amsheehy]

Welcome!

You are certainly far from alone and there are so many great people and discussions here that are sure to help you in one way or another.

Can I ask how long he did DBT for?  What changes did you notice and how long did they last for?

[so_overit]

This man is not the person I fell in love with, and I feel stuck... .I'm so ashamed for putting up with this and dragging my children through this.

I am new, and can only say, that your sentence above could have been written by me.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Yesis, Welcome!  You have come to a great place.

I'm so ashamed for putting up with this and dragging my children through this. If I had not been so trusting, so gullable, so in love, but I so desperately yearned for the void he filled, and now I have lost hope that this will ever work.

Don't beat yourself up!  We've all made plenty of mistakes when it comes to BPD.  The question, I suggest, is what is the right path for you and your children?  Only you know for sure.  Suggest you listen to your gut feelings.  Many of us (me) have been in your shoes, so you are not alone nor the first one down this road.

LuckyJimj

[Yesisosad]

Thank you for the supportive words. He did dbt  for 6 weeks, but he did not finish, and he refused to go back. He says he is tired of being portrayed as the problem, and he says that I need therapy because I cause problems... .

[formflier]

I too am glad you found us.  We can help.  bpdfamily is a safe place to be open about your struggles, feelings and concerns.

I hope you will trust that we understand you and at times when you perceive we are "challenging" you, that we have your best interests at heart.

We've been there... .and in many cases still are there. 

Less than a week ago, when I thought things were on an upswing in my r/s, the storm of BPD traits reappeared.  Yes I was distressed... .yes I was tired of it, but it was much more like trying to finish a gardening project... .only to have an unexpected thunderstorm blow in and "ruin" my project. 

Reality:  It was just a delay to my plans.  I've been there before... .storms come and go.  Perhaps there are some things to clean up after the storm, but I have plenty of tools in my tool shed to accomplish this.

I try to avoid arguments, but it always fails. I'm so ashamed for putting up with this and dragging my children through this. 

Can you take some time and pick one example of an argument you tried to avoid... .but "failed".  More detail is likely better at this point.  From that example, we can give some initial guidance on your journey to learn more about this thing called BPD.

Last (for now):  I've got 8 kids.  I've understand the feelings you expressed about "dragging your children through this".  We can guide you be a healthier example to your children.  They will benefit immensely from seeing you take steps towards a healthier you.

How does this post strike you?  Are you ready to learn more about BPD and relationships?

FF