Livng for 26 years with a BPD husband and just realizing it.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

After living with my husband's Dr. Jeckle/ Mr. Hyde personality for 26 years, I am finally realizing that he has ALL of the symptoms of BPD.  We have 2 grown children together.  For most of our marriage, I have "walked on eggshells", waiting to see what his mood would be before I spoke; 2nd guessed myself because I am blamed for everything that goes wrong; dealt with his alcohol abuse; dealt with his random, unprovoked, unpredictable and mean raging episodes; and finally cheating, at a time when I was dealing with my father's death.  This was the last straw and finally caused me to leave.  He professes to want me to come back, but nothing has changed and he does not appear willing to change.  I am having trouble "cutting the cord"; maybe I'm an enabler?

[lucyloo6664]

After living with my husband's Dr. Jeckle/ Mr. Hyde personality for 26 years, I am finally realizing that he has ALL of the symptoms of BPD.  We have 2 grown children together.  For most of our marriage, I have "walked on eggshells", waiting to see what his mood would be before I spoke; 2nd guessed myself because I am blamed for everything that goes wrong; dealt with his alcohol abuse; dealt with his random, unprovoked, unpredictable and mean raging episodes; and finally cheating, at a time when I was dealing with my father's death.  This was the last straw and finally caused me to leave.  He professes to want me to come back, but nothing has changed and he does not appear willing to change.  I am having trouble "cutting the cord"; maybe I'm an enabler?

[Cat Familiar]

I want to welcome you here. You've found a great place with lots of supportive people who understand what you're going through.   

I, too, was in a longterm marriage with a husband who sounds a lot like yours. We didn't have children together because I recognized his instability would be too much for me to cope with and have kids.

Only you can decide what you want your future to look like. You've got a good idea of who he is and it doesn't appear that you are holding false hope that he will magically change.

After all this time, you're established into entrenched patterns and perhaps the idea of freedom is daunting? It certainly was for me. But one day I finally had enough and ended my marriage. And it was scary and exciting to create a new life for myself. As you can see, I am now in a relationship with another BPD, but this one is much nicer. Anyway, best wishes to you. Tell us more about your situation.