six months after...

[mooncounter]

This is only my second post, now into the 6th month since I left my 15 year relationship with a fine lady whose BPD symptoms were taking me apart.
I thought that I had lost myself, that I was the cause of her wild rages and mood swings, that If only I tried harder... .
You know the story.
it turns out that I was myself all along... .however I no longer walk on eggshells daily and am very avoidant of the possibility of future relationships.
Visits to a trauma councilor, much time off in the woods on my little gold claim and a good support group of friends have kept me from picking up the phone and calling her, no doubt to immerse my codependant self in the BPD jungle again.
It has not been easy but it has been worthwhile.
Many thanks to those whose posts I read that gave me the courage and resolve to finally make the leap.

For those of you who question yourselves and your sanity while loving a partner with BPD I hope that my meager comment gives you hope.

I am doing well.  A bit lonely at times but then I think of what a normal day was like 6 months ago and reflect  on the path over the last months, broke, hungry, alone, fearful ... .and the sacrifices of leaving many of my precious material belongings behind and leaving the relationship with little more than the clothes on my back... .Dammit I AM HAPPY and content.

And I wish you the same.

[rfriesen]

mooncounter,

Thank you for sharing a beautiful post. Solitude can be a wonderful healer, if we can endure its occasional prickliness. When we're deeply entangled in a drama-filled relationship, it can be hard not to run back to it, to try to fix things or leave on terms we feel comfortable with. Your
"meagre comment" is actually a great reminder of the benefits of being alone with ourselves, at least for certain stages of life, in order to find ourselves again.

Thank you for sharing