Hospitalizations

[bpdmom99]

My D15 has been back in hospital this week again (our 8th admittance since January).  This morning I drove her to school from the hospital, and the plan is to have her come home tonight, spend the night at home and - if all goes well - officially discharge her tomorrow morning.

On the ride to school (she attends a DBT-focused school/day program), we got into a small argument and she tried to open the door of the car while I was driving.  When I pulled over and we discussed it, she said she just feels so hopeless - that nothing is going to change.

She tells me she is safe.  She hates being in hospital - which I actually see as a good thing, since a patient-mentality of using hospital as a way to 'escape the world' is a larger problem.  But it's clear that, in her impulsiveness, she is not safe.

I feel stuck.  The big question they always ask is "is she safe enough to go home".  No - based on her impulsive reactions this morning and similar type of behaviours that occur often ... .no, she is not safe.  At the same time, we are all aware that continuing to stay in hospital is not going to make her "better".  She has had many stays - including a 12 week stay at a pyschiatric hospital - and it is obvious to all of us that that isn't the solution.

There is no clear answer.  My guess is that we will bring her home and these behaviours will continue, with her saying that she feels emptiness beyond emptiness, loneliness beyond loneliness and complete hopelessness.  And if/when the next incident happens we will assess whether she needs to be back in hospital for a short stay and a safe place.  I feel like that is the only option we have ... .and yet it's not a good option either.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

I'm so sorry, BPDmom99

My T told me that the average number of relapses for an alcoholic before reaching sobriety is 11. 

Maybe it is the same for any difficult change, that it can take many, many attempts before the penny drops. I've been trying to figure out what, exactly, that penny is. I think for BPD it's being able to abide themselves, to be able to say (and mean it) "I love myself." Meanwhile, they feel bad about feeling bad, and things just get worse.

Perhaps all we can do is bear witness to the pain and model for them what it is like for someone to consistently abide them, even when they cannot abide themselves. So heart breaking.

[Bright Day Mom]

Hi BPDmom99

I join livednlearned and am sorry what you family is going thru.

Our family went thru a similar situation with our D16 and safety is paramount. Would you consider extending her current stay and not wait for the "other shoe to drop"? 

No the hospital is not a cure all, but they can perhaps work on her current meds and continue therapy to hopefully stabilize her to a point where safety isn't so doubtful.