Detaching is hard but getting there

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am looking for advice on how to detach.  It has been a struggle.  I feel for her and it saddens me.  I miss our child that she alienated me from since May.  That one took me by surprise.  But she is probably jealous of our bond, I'm sure.  Anyways.  As a non-biological Father I am going to pursue His best interest. Maybe have an impact on her.  I don't know.  But it is all about him at this point.  Her Father, I believe suffers from the Illness as well I'm certain.  HE is not a good person to put him in the hands of.  Her older sister is Bipolar and very promiscuous.  I am going to save him.  No matter what it takes. I'm in to Win!

[Foolsgold]

I am looking for advice on how to detach.  It has been a struggle.  I feel for her and it saddens me.  I miss our child that she alienated me from since May.  That one took me by surprise.  But she is probably jealous of our bond, I'm sure.  Anyways.  As a non-biological Father I am going to pursue His best interest. Maybe have an impact on her.  I don't know.  But it is all about him at this point.  Her Father, I believe suffers from the Illness as well I'm certain.  HE is not a good person to put him in the hands of.  Her older sister is Bipolar and very promiscuous.  I am going to save him.  No matter what it takes. I'm in to Win!

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Foolsgold-

Have you looked at the stages of detachment over there? ------------>

Curious, when you say you want to win, what does that mean exactly?  And do you know what the motivation behind it is?

[Foolsgold]

Thanks for pointing out "detachment"! When I say I am in it to win... .is simply be there for son.  My court date will not be for another 5 months probably and I will not see him  However, 6 months compared to a lifetime of him suffering with a BPD Mother is worse.  I do not want to take away the Mother/son relationship but I want to give him stabilization. 

Yes, I wish I knew then what I know now from self study, Nami 12 weeks course and the books I have read.  I may have been able to help her.  At this point I'm probably considered evil and all black in her eyes and probably no chance to help her.  So I need to "detach".  I have put so much energy into the relationship and endured so much suffering from her violence false accusations (leading me to jail) and her numerous sexual affairs how could I possibly trust her.  Sad cause she is a really nice person most of the time.  I honestly don't think she even can have feelings of how she hurts others.  She has no friends whatsoever.  Her bi-polar/BPD sister possesses her.  Her Dad is mentally ill as well.  Both the Guardian and the attorney can see it.  I think that the witness stand will be my friend in the end.  Cause our son deserves better.

[Moselle]

Hi fools gold.

Well done for getting this far.  |iii

These relationships can be taxing.

What's the back ground to your son and why do you think you will not see him for 5 months? That seems a long time not to see you.

[Foolsgold]

We had filed an emergency  custody but she had her entire family write up fals accusations and made me out to be monster and I got nothing. I'm going to plead w guardian to arrange it. I don't think she can. DSS is a joke. So I wait but never give up.

[Moselle]

You are not alone. My ex and her family psychologist wrote justifications for 5 DV applications. All nonsense. They courts have seek it before. Just keep your wits about you and have ammunition in your pocket to show a true picture

Can you get a few of your own references ready? I had my sister write that I was a great father to my children, that she had observed them respond really positively to my parenting and that she would not hesitate to allow her children to stay over with me on weekends. Which we often did.

These go a long way.

Hang in there!