Metamorphosis

[ThnkngOutLoud]

Its been a long road.  I married my husband 16 years ago.  He had divorced a BPD Narcissist psychopath. It was brutal. Their relationship produced a child.  SHe had two children prior to their marriage, so my step-daughter has two half sisters (one is schizophrenic, the other the jury is still out)  Onward through the fog.  A long dramatic custody battle ensued in 2000-2003 We won, but what we won was a broken child with a lot of emotional issues.  We had her in therapy from day one and from the entire experience, where we stand now, our daughter now 23, my step daughter, the only child I have ever had and loved, and still love - is a wreck and is presenting like her birth mom - hardest part on me, is that she is making me the object of her anger - and has banished me (and by proxy, my husband) - and is making our lives very intense with her shadow presence.  Presently she is in therapy with a professional who has seen her when she was a teen - however,the doc is carefully approaching her - as if trying to snare a snake - with a long pole and an invisible wire to coax her into the psychiatrists office for a firm diagnosis and perhaps medication.  (She has had numerous bipolar mania episodes) My husband and I are footing the bill and are able to communicate to the doc how we feel, but are not allowed into the machinations of our daughter's therapy - .  She wont speak to us, and we didn't do anything except say we think she might be sick.  It was enough to cause her to cut us off.  Mostly me. My Husband is the good guy.  Which also makes me lonely and isolated - I feel like an outsider in my marriage and family - and I am exhausted thinking about my daughter's issues.  Yet know I can and will get rest... .here in the forum with others whom share this plight.  Thanks in advance for sharing with me your perspective and support.  I am sad to say my daughter has metamorphosed  into her birth mother and now I don't know who I am to her any more. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[drained1996]

 

Welcome ThinkingOutLoud, you've found the right place for information, as well as empathetic support.  The lessons and tools to the right of this page can and will be of huge help to you and your husband... .just deal with them slowly and as you find yourself having the ability!  This is not a race, it's a process, the best you can do for yourself and your daughter is understand that and not try to overwhelm anyone.  It's great to hear she is willing to have a doc involved... .
How are you and your husband dealing at this point? Are you all seeing a therapist with experience with PD's to help guide you?  I know many here have found having a professional guide is very helpful in their process... .I know I do.  Keep posting, I know the more I shared the more I got in return!  We look forward to hearing more.  We are here... .

[Bright Day Mom]

Hi ThinkOutLoud - welcome to BPD Fam... .we are all here to help one another, you can safely vent here.

I know what it feels like to get the brunt of the heat from BPD D16. I have brought it up to various clinicians and have been told it is not uncommon for them to lash out at the ones that they love and love them the most... .why? because we are the only constant, the ones that remain when others fall by the wayside, the ones that love them unconditionally.

It is good she's able to see a therapist who has some teen history with her to use as a baseline.  If you aren't already, going to therapy with your hubby may prove to be quite helpful. These are difficult times for the whole family and it can assist in strengthening your relationship so you don't "feel like an outsider in your marriage / family".