I'm codependent and raising a child

[JerryRG]

Wondering what affect my codependency has on my parenting skills.

I seem to do fine with what I need, when I have my son I seem to regress. Not sure what I'm doing wrong.

[drained1996]

Have you searched for any literature that may be helpful in this arena... .books... .videos... .links... .workshops?  I don't have personal experience with codependency and child rearing, but if you can come up with some specific examples I/we can certainly chime in!  Let us know what literature you may find... .and of course pose any questions going through that source may bring! 

[purekalm]

Hi JerryRG,

Questions I would ask are:

Am I afraid that whatever I decide will not align with my BPD and therefore invoke an outburst or harm to my son?

Are there instances from the past with BPD where I've made a decision and it was stomped out by BPD as bad?

Have my parenting skills been brought under inspection by BPD or critical family?

Has my BPD mainly parented our son up until this point and now I'm worried I'll make a mistake?

Are my thoughts more concerned with how I parent my son or how my BPD will react to my parenting?


I posed the questions in first person because it's more personal and always hit me harder when someone has done this. I don't have any materials for you besides the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend that will help give you some perspective on what a boundary is, what's healthy and what's not and hopefully improve your mindset so you can go from being codependent to being independent.

I was codependent and I have a son with autism. To compound my issues there was some legal involvement and my overcritical parents and I was a mess for years. It impacts your parenting MAJORLY in a bad way. You need to know that no parent is perfect, we all make mistakes and you can learn from them. I personally apologize to my son when I know I've wronged him by being really depressed and trying to get it together and I snap at him because the annoying noise he kept making or the huge mess he just made in an instant was the last straw. I hate to admit this. What I do know is that I've worked on better coping skills and things for myself. As a codependent I sacrificed myself and my needs for whatever my son and husband needed and I realized that I need to take better care of myself to properly care for my son. It isn't easy, it's a process, but I know that since you're looking you'll find the answers and be able to break free one day and after having done all the work it will be a wonder to you that you were ever codependent in the first place. 

[Turkish]

You've had discussion about this with your sponsor, right? Up to this point, how have you concluded that you might be codependent in general? It would help to understand the definition here in order to understand where you are coming from.

[Skip]

Are you still hosting this thread?

Have you taken this test:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56435.80

Which characteristics did you check? Which "pick from 9" did you select?