My sister my enemy my friend

[Our abuse recovery guide]

My sister was diagnosed with BPD but refuses to do anything to help herself. It's become nothing more than an excuse for her behavior. I am in a position (fiances and her past instability)  where I co-parent my nephew who is seven and I worry about the impact she is having on our emotional well being. The only peace we have is when she is asleep. We refer to it as her wake up/eat/sleep cycle because she falls asleep in her lounger after eating. When she is awake she dominates the television and any activity that could disrupt her show (including talking,  playing or even laundry) has to stop or we risk one of her screaming fits. Everything I say is wrong and I honestly have gotten to the point that being around her for long periods of time (hard when we live together)  makes me suicidal. She works from home so unless I am at work I feel like I have no escape. Being off for two weeks (I work for the school district)  has been a nightmare. I am at the end of my rope and ready to walk away but worry about leaving my nephew with a mother who can't/won't take care of him. I mean what do I do just leave and wait until cps eventually steps in and removes him?  By then what damage will have been done to a sad/sweet little boy already dealing with adhd who doesn't understand why his mom goes from raging to crying, spoiling him with toys and cuddles to screaming at him or utterly ignoring him. I know it's not her fault she has BPD but our whole family is suffering because of it. I am honestly starting to hate and resent her. I feel alone and isolated in this private hell.

[MadMdmMimi]

My sister was diagnosed with BPD but refuses to do anything to help herself. It's become nothing more than an excuse for her behavior. I am in a position (fiances and her past instability)  where I co-parent my nephew who is seven and I worry about the impact she is having on our emotional well being. The only peace we have is when she is asleep. We refer to it as her wake up/eat/sleep cycle because she falls asleep in her lounger after eating. When she is awake she dominates the television and any activity that could disrupt her show (including talking,  playing or even laundry) has to stop or we risk one of her screaming fits. Everything I say is wrong and I honestly have gotten to the point that being around her for long periods of time (hard when we live together)  makes me suicidal. She works from home so unless I am at work I feel like I have no escape. Being off for two weeks (I work for the school district)  has been a nightmare. I am at the end of my rope and ready to walk away but worry about leaving my nephew with a mother who can't/won't take care of him. I mean what do I do just leave and wait until cps eventually steps in and removes him?  By then what damage will have been done to a sad/sweet little boy already dealing with adhd who doesn't understand why his mom goes from raging to crying, spoiling him with toys and cuddles to screaming at him or utterly ignoring him. I know it's not her fault she has BPD but our whole family is suffering because of it. I am honestly starting to hate and resent her. I feel alone and isolated in this private hell.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome MadMdmMimi:    
I'm sorry about the situation with your sister.  It sounds like a very unpleasant living situation.  Is there any chance that you can move out and get your own place?

Everything I say is wrong and I honestly have gotten to the point that being around her for long periods of time (hard when we live together)  makes me suicidal.

I'm so sorry you are  having a hard time. Are you getting any therapy for yourself?  It can help to have a professional person to talk to and help guide you through some changes to better deal with your situation.

Don't hesitate to reach out for help if you ever feel suicidal (or in any way close to it).  It can be helpful to reach out to someone by phone.  The links below can help with suicide prevention.  

SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE:
The website below has a phone number to call for a local suicide hotline and has information to support suicide survivors and family members.

www.suicidepreverntionlifeline.org/#

SUICIDE AND CRISIS SUPPORT
       https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf

TEXT CRISIS LINE
www.crisistextline.org/how-it-works/

PANIC LIST FOR DISTRESS TOLERANCE
   www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/panic_list.html

2017 can be a better year for you.  I'm glad you reached out here for some support.  Hopefully that is the first step in your walk to make thing better for both you and your nephew.  There is some helpful information to the right of this post.  It can be a good place to start to improve your situation.


 

[Janneke]

Hi MMM,
 Welcome. I have a sibling with BPD too.
 Your nephew is really lucky to have you.
 Who else lives in the house?
 Janneke

[Charlie3236]

I would definitely get CPS involved, especially if the emotional abuse has turned physical. I believe you can do this anonymously, but you'd have to check the laws in your state. Perhaps a therapist can helped you work through the details of your very confusing and unfair situation. Are you seeing anyone now?

I know how horrible it is, but as a child who was abandoned to be alone with BPD mom I can tell you it's a million times worse for a child. Thank GOD your nephew has an angel... .You! I promise it will make all the difference in his mental health later in life. Is there any way you can both get out of there? Maybe make it her idea somehow?