First post

[jermom]

My young adult child has multiple mental health diagnoses.  As a teenager she exhibited oppositional defiance disorder, impulsiveness and was probably ADHD, although not diagnosed or treated.  As an young adult she had many successes but many episodes of emotional unrest, causing many breakups and job loss.  She graduated college.  She lost her job, indirectly related to these conditions and it has been downhill.  She has never married.  She has devalued her sister in the process and their relationship has been the source of some conflicts.  After a recent ugly incident involving local police, it was suggested by local mental health unit that she had BPD.  She has been treated by a psychiatrist for several years for MDD, GAD, OCD, insomnia.  While she does not injure herself, she does exhibit many of the symptoms.  She has always resisted therapy and is probably not going to be receptive to this diagnosis.  I am not 100% convinced it is the correct diagnosis, but at this point, I am open and just want a place to try to get practical advice on how to help her move forward.  Since this incident, she left the house, and has not communicated with us.  I am hoping to get practical advice on how to handle. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[gotbushels]

Hi jermom   and welcome.

It can be difficult to parent a child with multiple diagnoses. Since there are different ways of treatment and managing a disorder, having a variety of them can be more confusing.

There seem to be quite a few ups and downs. Graduation, but job loss. Successes, but breakages of relationships.

It might be helpful to know that BPD is difficult to diagnose and has a strong comorbidity with other disorders. You may not get 100% certainty on diagnosis from even doctors, but here you'll be able to get some practical advice both regarding the pwBPD and as a person involved with the pwBPD.

I suggest you start with understanding what BPD is:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-borderline-personality-disorder

Then you can consider understanding what it means to parent a BPD:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114267.msg1125525#msg1125525

I look forward to your finding practical advice. I look forward to reading about the development of your relationship. 

[Lollypop]

Hi there Jermom

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. I'm very sorry to hear about what brought you here but glad you found us. It's just exhausting isn't it.

I have an adult son 26 who had a lot of problems in his formative yearS.  He was diagnosed at 24 and accepts his diagnosis but, despite this and very frustratingly, he doesn't seek treatment.

I read as much as I could about BPD and this helped me better understand his limitations and challenges. I now see his anxieties, triggers and mood swings. Ive learnt better communication skills and the relationships within my family and even my friends have vastly improved.

This is a very safe place with tons of advice and guidance to help you navigate a way forward for yourself and daughter.  I've learnt that There is a way to have a relationship, despite the problems.

How old is she and does she have any support that you know of?
What support do you have?

L