why in the end are they so rational?

[noideaforname]

I mean for the time we were together i could not talk any sense into her about nothing.
after the break up she is like 100% normal, talks to me saying that she has a problem... .that sadly she has BPD and can't be with me because it drives her crazy to love anyone. And that she will try not have anything serious with anyone.
and a lot of things i talked to her she talked back so calm and normal, no crisis.
she was a lot more normal than i could be

[Curiously1]

She still has the same issues as she used to I am sure and they are just more noticeable when in a romantic relationship me thinks because of abandonment fears and fear of engulfment etc. I am sure there were times she was not having a BPD moment and you could have an OK conversation when you were together...

[Fr4nz]

Makes sense; this has probably to do with fear of abandonment, which in turn induces push/pull behaviours.

So, once the relationship terminates, they don't feel anymore this burden... .until the next partner, or the next recycle, comes.

BPD sufferers can't really stay alone, so they will repeat the cycle endlessly.

[ShadowA]

Opposite for me. Only time my BPDex is rational is when she's trying to get me back. Then I'm usually idolized for a good 2 months, then it cycles back as I eventually get split black. Then I'm the worst person ever.

[noideaforname]

i get it now... .after the break up i went out for her about 3 or 4 times, she talked to me and said that me being that way was making her to desire to never talk to me again.
so in the end i stopped talking to her. maybe a week now since we don't talk... .i don't really know.
i know im feeling better... .don't feel like crying anymore... .
she wasn't wrong for terminating things... .like i said she was pretty rational and said that since i couldn't be with her all the time and take care of her emotions we should stop being together... .it was out of the blue... .but not exactly unexpected.

[valet]

It's a result of splitting.

She probably thinks that this streamlined rational approach can protect you... .the reality being that she is solidifying her own toxic shame from the relationship (and past relationships, etc) by going cold towards it. If she immediately goes into analysis mode (or her version of it), she saves herself from having to experience the resulting emotional pain.

I can't imagine how this must feel, honestly. It's devoid of honesty and will prevent her from learning the lessons that she needs to learn to live a happy, consistent life.

Here's the workshop: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62033.msg588248#msg588248

[Technique]

I mean for the time we were together i could not talk any sense into her about nothing.
after the break up she is like 100% normal, talks to me saying that she has a problem... .that sadly she has BPD and can't be with me because it drives her crazy to love anyone. And that she will try not have anything serious with anyone.
and a lot of things i talked to her she talked back so calm and normal, no crisis.
she was a lot more normal than i could be

Mine seemed perfectly normal when we broke up. Probably because she was already plugged into her new supply. High on the idealisation rush.

[enlighten me]

Like Fr4nz said theirs probably a removal of confliction once the break up happens. Similar to what us "nons" have. We want to be with them but cant stand the behaviour. Once ended and we don't have to deal with the behaviour then things get easier.

For them it could be that once the idolisation was over then they felt trapped but conflicted as they wanted to be with us but didn't. The effect of being conflicted means that you are not consistent and seem irrational.

One thing Ive come to realise is there is always more than one thing going on with a pwBPD. Its not cut and dry that they want to be with you or don't. Its mood affected. As moods can change rapidly so can their feelings. Add to this other outside influences like friends, family, finances, children even tv shows  then it can be a very confusing time for all involved the pwBPD included.

[JJacks0]

My ex was also like this when she discarded me for good.

So cold and void of emotion. I'd seen her like that before in her Jekyll/Hyde moments, but it never lasted. This has.

I asked her about it at one point - how she was so composed and nonchalant while I was crying and upset. She said that that was just how she had to deal with it.

I wonder if she ever really grieved the relationship at all or if this cold, detachedness is a coping tactic used so that she doesn't have to.

[Duped 1]

My ex was also like this when she discarded me for good.

So cold and void of emotion. I'd seen her like that before in her Jekyll/Hyde moments, but it never lasted. This has.

I asked her about it at one point - how she was so composed and nonchalant while I was crying and upset. She said that that was just how she had to deal with it.

I wonder if she ever really grieved the relationship at all or if this cold, detachedness is a coping tactic used so that she doesn't have to.

JJacks I can completely relate to this. How long has it been and did you ever hear from her again?

[JJacks0]

I heard from her about 2 months later. She wanted to get together just as friends. We did this twice, it went well, she was making more plans with me, texting,  calling... .then she disappeared again.

Now it's been 2.5 months with the exception of a "thank you" from her after I said happy birthday to her. Very strange.

[Dontknow88]

I mean for the time we were together i could not talk any sense into her about nothing.
after the break up she is like 100% normal, talks to me saying that she has a problem... .that sadly she has BPD and can't be with me because it drives her crazy to love anyone. And that she will try not have anything serious with anyone.
and a lot of things i talked to her she talked back so calm and normal, no crisis.
she was a lot more normal than i could be

I feel like I should warn you from now. Yes she realizes she has a problem she realizes what will make her "crazy"  but please do not be shocked if, no I mean WHEN  she gets into a new relationship. Everything that she rationally knows about herself will go right out of the window and then she will start the cycle all over again.

I hope you have a good support around you and I wish you the best