Resistance to treatment - advice needed to respond

[Lollypop]

Hi 

My BPDS is 26 and a long term MJ smoker.  He's dabbled in other drugs but gets hooked on codeine.  I'd say he's tried to get clean maybe 5 times in the past so he knows the feelings and also the successes, although shortlived.

He returned home 13 months ago and has made great progress in financial management skills, achieving realistic short term goals and his relationships.  I discovered Diazepam in his room (again).  I looked into the bottle last week and saw the stock was low (maybe 7 tablets) and found today that it's been topped up (now 100 tablets).  He doesn't know I know.

I decided to speak to him today about his need to use diazepam as a way of coping, that I feel it isn't helping him.  It was a frank and lovingly supportive conversation.

He says he wants to stop the diazepam as he now knows he's addicted.  He's reduced his intake to 1.5 tablets each night just before he goes to sleep.  He says that he knows that he needs to reach a point one day when he decides "today is the day I'm giving up" but admits that he sometimes decides to give up and then the pain starts and he gives in.  He also said that timing is a problem as he needs to work and there's practical problems to overcome with the timing of giving up.

He listened to what I had to say.  That I don't think that self medicating with diazepam is the way forward for him, that some people find it of little help with their levels of anxiety.  I encouraged him to see a professional who would be able to prescribe something else that would really help him with his anxiety levels.

He responded by saying that he doesn't want to take prescription drugs.  What's the point?  It's only replacing one drug with another.  I don't want to have to take a drug for the rest of my life.  My way forward is for me to give up taking drugs completely and I'm convinced I'll get there but it may take me 10 years.  Everyone knows there's only one treatment for BPD and that's DBT.

I pointed out that there are many new treatments that he doesn't know about.  That a clinical psychologist may or may not prescribe him medication.  I suggested that he needed to be more open minded about it and asked him to think about what I've said. Whilst he resists, his problems will persist. That it doesn't have to be this way.

I also said progress wasn't linear.  It doesn't have to be so black and white.  If he was taking diazepam now, then there might be another drug that would better help him with his anxiety levels to allow him the space to reach his own goals and his longer term aim of being drug free.

Does anybody out there have any experience on how to respond to his thinking?

Can I respond in any better way?

1.5 tablets seems a low dosage - addicted (physically?)

Thanks for reading.

L

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Dear Lollypop

I am not sure I understand your situation completely. Diazepam is Valium? Was he prescribed these meds by a doctor? Why do you say that this med is not helping? I am sorry but I am confused by your post.

Valium is used to treat bipolar and is one of the oldest and trusted meds around. Have you seen negative behavior on these meds? sorry for my confusion.

My experience with my dd19 is that once she is stable and do well is when she decides she doesn't need meds and stops cold turkey. That is the real problem. She wants to be drug free (at least prescription meds) but doesn't have the coping skills to deal with her emotional ups and downs.

[Lollypop]

Hi jellibeans

My BPDs doesn't see a doctor and he buys these pills from a drug dealer. We live in the UK and medical treatment is free but we pay a Prescription charge £8.40. My BPDs says it's cheaper for him to use his drug dealer.

He has a negative view of medical professionals and thinks he knows more than they do. My point is that he should seek professional advice rather than self medicate.

He takes diazepam but I know that he still has periods of high anxiety normally triggered by juggling finances or dealing with his GF.

In my view, this isn't sustainable. He lives at home and once he leaves independently his pressures will get bigger.  I guess I'm also trying to save a future fall.

I'm trying to get him on the healthcare path.

I had a dream last night and the words came into my head from a reply on the forum:

'sounds like fixing to me"

1.5 tablets seems a very low dosage to me. I wonder if his perceived addiction is as bad as he feels and says it is. He says he feels pain in withdrawal and I ask if this is normal withdrawal?

How can I better respond when he says he wants to heal himself?



L

[Lollypop]

Sorry just sharing something else that I've just realised.

My BPDs is currently stressed as he owes money, he came home after a hard days work outside tired, soaked to the skin and hungry. He took a shower and he hung around in the kitchen and we talked about meds etc...

On reflection I timed this chat wrong. He was tired and hungry. BUT this time he was easy to speak to adult to adult. I think his resilience and coping skills are definitely improving. I just wouldn't have been able to have this conversation in these circumstances 6 months ago without him getting very agitated.

Thanks for reading.

[Lollypop]

I think maybe I should back off and just leave him to make his own decisions.

But by knowing what he does and why he does it - isn't that validating the invalid? I feel intuitively that I should be gently encouraging him into professional treatment.

I'm so sorry for these posts. I just wanted to explain.

I'm working on getting myself centred today. I need to concentrate on myself.

I got triggered by speaking to somebody yesterday about their daughter undx who's on serotonin but not coping very well.

Thanks

L

[jellibeans]

hey lypop

I am still not sure I understand fully what is going on with you son. I can see you are trying your best to help him and worried too. What I have tried to do over the past couple of years is detach a little. I try and follow these steps and I think it helps... .

1) don't give advise unless asked

2) leave the room if you can't stay calm

3) focus on myself and not on what they are doing

4) let them experience their own choices

5) stop nagging about their responsibilities

6) compliment what they are doing right. Give positive re-enforcement

7) Only help when asked

8) love the person but you don't have to fix or rescue

sounds so easy right? It is hard to remember all these things. I am a real rescuer and fixer but little by little I am trying to give that to my dd19. It is her burden to bare.

Your son is at home still so I bet that must be hard to detach but I also think it might be the best time because you are a bit of a safety net too.

Taking drugs that are not prescribed is kind of risky behavior and depending on your beliefs you could make that a boundary. Since he lives in your home you could say if want to continue to do so he should seek professional help. Of course you would have to be prepared to back up your request with a consequence which might be moving out.

There is no right and wrong answer lypop... .don't let that stop you from moving forward. Hang in there... .things will get better

[Lollypop]

Hi jellibeans

Thanks for the reminder about the steps. I think I'd ventured out slightly from them.

I'm going back to step 3. It's a far happier place!

Hugs

L