Heaven help me

[tristesse]

My BPDD 33 is on a roll lately. She had been doing so well, and now she seems to be tumbling backwards at a rapid pace. I am sorry, but I REFUSE to give control of my life back to her. I am so frustrated right now, and angry. This girl lives in my home and contributes in no way shape or form, does not work or go to school, does not wash a dish or a load of dirty towels... she does nothing in the way of contribution, and expects everything, including to be involved in conversations I have with my husband, her father, about things that have nothing to do with her. She is trying to dictate and call the shots, and I am not having it! for years I dealt with violent raging, and out of control behavior, I finally got her to place where we were able to cohabitate in a semblance of peace, she had been doing well, and last night I told her to mind her own business because she chimed in on a disagreement her dad and I were having. ( minor, no big deal disagreement, we just had differing opinions ) She has been on a tangent ever since I told her to mind her own business... .saying stupid things like, " you don't care how you make me feel, why are you so afraid to talk to me " etc. etc. etc. just a bunch of hyperbol trying to draw me in. I told her she needed to get it together and stop the harassing me at work or she needed to find elsewhere to live... .I can not and will not go back to that dark place. She has called my office about 20 times already today, it's only 9:30, she has sent about 75 text messages, all saying the same crap. I am so distraught at the moment... .I don't know what to do, but I can't do this all over again. I'm tired! HELP

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Tristesse:  
Is something going on with your BPDD33, beyond her reaction to your one comment?  Could there be some other event that has caused her to be more emotional?  

  I REFUSE to give control of my life back to her. . .I told her she needed to get it together and stop the harassing me at work or she needed to find elsewhere to live... . 

You stated a boundaries.  Take whatever action possible to consistently enforce the boundary of not calling you at work.

WORK PHONE:  Block her phone number if possible.  If you have caller ID on your work phone, let her calls go to voice mail, and then delete her voice mails without listening to them.  When you have to check for work voice mails, delete her calls at that time.  If you can limit the frequency you have to check for work voice mails, then do that.  

CELL PHONE: Block her from your cell phone, while at work or when needed.  You can unblock it at any time.  You can always turn you phone off while at work.

last night I told her to mind her own business because she chimed in on a disagreement her dad and I were having.  

 
I'm thinking she felt unvalidated by your telling her, "to mind her own business"?  When she jumps into conversations, can you and your husband agree that one of you gives the other some signal to indicate that you either table the discussion until a later time, or take it somewhere your daughter can't join the conversation (your bedroom -with door closed, outside, the garage, etc.)

This has to be very frustrating for you.  I can understand.  I have an adult niece who can't keep a job, lives with her divorced mother and doesn't lift a hand to anything around the house.

Stay firm with your boundaries.  Have you thought about adding "contribution to household chores" as a boundary?  Unless she is paying room and board, that is a boundary you might consider.  
 

[7babies]

I'm just sorry.

[ParentBPDgirl]

That is all hard.

I read these messages and feel we're all struggling with similar issues, though at different stages.

One thing I"m learning from these boards, is the only BPD who seem to be successful with living at home are the ones who have committed to trying to get better or improve through therapy and medicine or whatever combination.

The hyperbole, the random things just to draw you in, and the butting into conversations are all things we all seem to deal with.

I'm sorry, I hope it gets better for you!

[tristesse]

Thank you so much everybody for the kind and thoughtful words.
Unfortunately this is not our first trip down the dark and winding road, she did however, regulate herself before I returned home from work.
I think the good news here , is that she knows and understands i meant what I said... if she can't live peacefully and within the rules of my home, she needs to move out. I have been on this journey with her for a long time , and this site and this message board in particular, have been my saving Grace. I learned how to communicate effectively . how to use set to never JADE. To set clear boundaries and to follow through... .but most of all, I learned about me. I discovered parts of myself I didn't know existed. I also found many caring and loving people going through things far worse tthan myself.
I appreciate every word from person... because I know you all struggle too... .and when I need a place to vent or cry... my bpdfamily of friends is always here. God Bless you all ... and thank you again.