New here and needing wisdom

[AlycenWonderland]

Hi!  I found this website after reading Stop Walking on Eggshells.   My 22yo daughter exhibits several of the signs of bpd but refuses to acknowledge any of our family's concerns.  She currently sees a psych once a
Moth for med management for anxiety.  She has not acknowledged any other issues. I am trying so hard to hold my family together but find myself struggling.  I never know what my daughter will say or do and it is causing me terrible duress.  Anyone have wisdom for a newbie?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

I do think you have chosen a good screen name - the BPD world sure is different to the 'normal' one!

I am glad that you have come to the site here. It helps to know others are going through very similar challenges. One good thing too is that DD is seeing a psychiatrist and is taking meds for anxiety. There are sometimes other conditions as well as BPD and if they are not treated then things can get much worse.

You don't go into specific challenges Alicenwonderland and sometimes it is helpful to have some idea of a particular thing that is happening. With BPD there could be many things going on: raging - especially at you or another 'target of blame'; lying; forming unhealthy relationships; substance abuse - just to name a few!

I hope you are able to spend some time looking at the resources available here. They are very helpful.

You mention you never know what DD is going to say or do next. I am wondering if a first step could be to see if you can identify 'triggers'. Someone with BPD is extremely emotionally unstable. Ordinary rough and tumble of life can set off intense feelings of abandonment and anger, and someone else will be to blame because it is unbearable to accept that they are to blame for the consequences of some of the choices they make.

Often they are not really informed choices. My DD is just absolutely impulsive. She responds to anyone who pays her some attention, however slight - then she dives completely in to the relationship (for a brief period of time) until she 'blows it' by being too emotionally demanding, jealous and angry.

Then it is someone else's fault.

It can be a chaotic lifestyle, but there are skills and knowledge that can make a difference. Also your DD is just 22 - young for the BPD journey - and for some people the 4th decade ie when in their 30s, there can be a really big lessening of the intensity of the symptoms.

Thanks for posting and if you feel you would like to be a little more specific, then I hope you will post again.

[EyesUp]

Hello and welcome.

Where is your D's psych in this?  If she has a diagnosis for anxiety, is there a treatment plan concurrent with meds?

In addition to the resources you'll find here, you might also check in with pysch who prescribes your D's meds.  Even though your D is 22 and the pysch will likely decline to discuss details, you may approach with open-ended questions such as how to best support your D.

Does your D live with you?  When was anxiety first diagnosed?  Any other history you're able to share may help the community here to respond with more specific insights.

Take care. 

[AlycenWonderland]

Thank you for the responses to my call for help.  I have not been able to log in recently because life has been busy.

My DD is seeing a psych for anxiety and has been for a few years.  She was diagnosed when she started high school.  She has been infrequent, at best, with seeing her psych and taking her meds. 

She recently graduated from college and returned home to live with us.  We are seeing explosive reactions to situations.  She exaggerates situations or says things that are blatantly not true.  I am the target of her rage and she blames me for all the things she does not like in her life.  Her re-telling of incidents is not accurate.  She takes pieces of information and alters them to fit her narrative and then claims that it is "proof" that she is right and her emotions are valid.  As an example, we were recently traveling for the weekend and needed to leave 20 minutes after getting home from work.  She did not come home from work right away but instead went out with friends.  She arrived home more than 2 hours late.  We explained that it was inconsiderate of her to make us wait for her and that the impact was a significantly later arrival to our destination.  Her response was that I should have known she had a hard day based on her earlier text that "she was already over the day" and therefore I should have altered our plans to allow her time to decompress.

Her impulsivity causes challenges in her daily living.  We are noticing that she struggles to keep and maintain friendships and romantic relationships.  The behavior is impacting her relationships with her siblings as well.  This fractures is killing me and my husband.

I know that no one here can "fix" this but it definitely helps to have someone who understands what it's like to walk on eggshells.