Geetings

[Just Walking]

My first post. Here to learn, to find and share thoughts,ideas, experiences, suggestions. Been aware of living with a partner with BPD like traits for nearly a decade now. Have consulted with a variety of professionals - clinical psychologists mainly. Mostly solo, sometimes shared. Radical acceptance that my partner/co-parent is unlikely to change. Slowly, over the years the pressure has increased as my significant other had grown increasingly disillusioned with my my lack of change. We behave a primary school aged child. I am focused on being a buffer from the storms, the emotional haranguing that is part of every day living.
I'm looking forward to reading more of the experiences shared here. To connecting and drawing on the wisdom of the group.

[EyesUp]

Hello and welcome.

You'll find that you're in good company here - many of us share the same concern re: parenting with a challenging partner. 

Accepting others, especially a disordered partner, can be the biggest challenge.

That said, sometimes an bigger challenge is accepting ourselves, and what we can and cannot change within... 

We see it here all the time: The rational conclusion that we cannot change a partner (or anyone else, really), only our selves.

How are you and your child doing at this point?

[ForeverDad]

Slowly, over the years the pressure has increased as my significant other had grown increasingly disillusioned with my my lack of change.

We have a Tools and Skills workshops board where many strategies and skills are listed to address common BPD misbehaviors.  However, our experience has been that over time the pressure and poor behavior increases when the disordered spouse is unresponsive to our efforts.  It may be gradual or it can also be sudden with extinction bursts of demands to return to the previous status quo.

Also, the children will be affected... regardless whether you remain in the adult relationship or you separate/divorce.  One difference to consider is that in the one scenario the child is in the other's influence all the time or in the second scenario the child has a portion of his or her life with you in a relatively normal home environment.