Looking for advice on bringing up the subject of DBT for my adult son w/ udbpd

[JsMom]

Hi all, I've posted a couple messages and appreciate your feedback. I'm also accessing the library. I've started seeing a psychologist familiar with bpd. My adult- 45yr old son recently started a job that is stable and seems to help level him out some. Previously he was self employed and under a lot of stress.
Anyway, the psychologist asked if my son was ready to get help with his struggles. My son has been through different kinds of therapy over the last 20yrs. Never longer than several months at a time. The psychologist said DBT is what will truly help him with regulation, impulse control ... He suggested I bring up the subject with him now before he is in a panic or crisis state.  I see that would be a good thing yet, I'm scared and unsure of the best way to address this with my son. At times he receives difficult topics well. Sometimes he will immediately put up a wall. At other times I feel like I just poked a mean bear with a sharp stick. Does anyone have any thoughts. Thank you so much.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[ForeverDad]

I will share what I've noticed others have done, that is, other therapists who do know about DBT.

What some therapists have done is not naming the therapy they use.  People with BPD traits (pwBPD) are more than twice shy about diagnostic labels.  It really shuts them down and triggers Denial and rejection.  So my thought is that your therapist's idea is that you mention to your son to try a new approach to therapy from a different angle without naming a label such as DBT, CBT or whatever.

It's possible your therapist will be reluctant to start therapy with your son since your son may be reluctant to try the same therapist you use.  Whether that is so or not, I'm rather sure your therapist will have associates or others he can recommend to guide your son's into a better level of recovery.

[SoVeryConfused]

Hi!
I'm so glad your son seems to be in a more stable place. I have some thoughts on an approach.

I have done DBT, and it offers life-changing skills that everyone should get the chance to learn! I don't have MH challenges, and I use the skills in my own life often. I wonder if your son might find that interesting - learning coping skills - very little talk therapy.

There's a technique in DBT called DEAR MAN when you want to ask for something in a calmer moment. It stands for Describe, Express, Ask, Reward/Reinforce. So it might go like this:

You now have a job and have many good things happening.
I'm happy for you when good things like this happen.
I would like you to consider taking a DBT skills class.
That way, the skills will be waiting in your back pocket, ready to call on.

It has to be done at a calm time and using concise, specific language. I don't know if that's helpful, but it might be worth a try!

[CC43]

Hi there,

I'm glad to hear your son has found a stable employment situation.  I have a couple of perhaps offbeat ideas for you.  The pwBPD in my life is younger, but your son is more mature, and he might benefit from a more "mature" approach.

One thing you might do is frame therapy as "executive coaching," something along these lines:  I'm so proud of you for landing your new job, and that it seems to be working really well for you.  I can't help but wonder if the increased pressures and responsibilities might feel overwhelming sometimes--I know I've felt both excited and overwhelmed with every new job situation.  One thing I've heard about is for senior employees like yourself to get executive coaching at this phase in their careers.  These experts can help with all sorts of things like handling stress, resolving conflicts, increasing mindfulness, processing strong emotions and enforcing healthy boundaries.  It would be nice if you could think about getting support like that, because we could all benefit from learning new skills.  I think it would set you up for success to get support like that . . .

I'd add that my younger brother, who is extremely successful professionally (he's a CEO at a young age), got the help of an executive coach, and he felt it was life-changing.  The coach didn't really talk about business, but rather the types of things I mentioned above.

Another off-beat thing I did for the pwBPD in my life was create an AI-generated podcast.  I fed the AI module her resume (last name and personal details excluded), a job description she aspired to, and one of her cover letters.  Well, AI created a FABULOUS podcast about all her qualifications and made a compelling story about her.  I shared it with her, and I think she really liked it, because she hadn't thought about herself in such a positive way before.  There was something about the fact that it was a "podcast," rather than ideas coming directly from me.  You see, I think sometimes she discounts what I say, because there's so much emotional baggage.  Hearing an "impartial" voice sounds a lot more convincing.  Maybe you could do something similar, like provide your son's resume and a prompt like, Executive training and therapy to support a professional in the middle of his career, and see what sort of "podcast" comes out.  I can send you a link to the website if you like.  When I prepared the podcast, I asked the pwBPD in my life to sit down with me.  I said to her, I asked AI to create a podcast about you, please just listen to it with me.  Give it a chance and 5 minutes, OK?  I promise, it will be interesting. 

All the best to you.

[JsMom]

I want to thank each of you for taking the time to respond. I've been reading over your thoughts.
My therapist did give a couple referrals.  He thought a mention of diagnosis would be off putting and suggested the approach be to learn more tools to deal with stress.. I think my son would be accepting of that IF he  is open at this time.  I think the podcast is a creative idea but I don't think he'd be open to it. I could be wrong. He does like to learn more skills though.
What I learned from each of you is to not be afraid to approach him with something that could help him as he starts this new direction in his work life.  Thanks again