This is an interesting topic I am very keen to discuss. Although we're still in the middle of counseling, I want to share my experiences so far.
1. What precipitated the need for couple’s therapy?
We were in permanent struggle with each other, lots of circular discussions and many "burned" topics. There was nothing we could really talk about without hitting a weak point.
2. Who was the proponent for marital therapy (you, your partner)? Were both partners motivated or was one party resistant, reluctant, or ambivalent?
We both wanted it, although I think we were both as ambivalent.
3. On what basis did you select a therapist? Did you communicate with them beforehand? Was the therapist a psychiatrist (MD), psychologist (PhD), family therapist (MFT), or other? :)id they have a special skill (personality disorders, mood disorders, CBT, DBT, etc.)?
We didn't really inform before. She's a psychologist. Don't think she has any special skills in mental illnesses.
4. What did you hope therapy would accomplish? What do you think your hoped therapy would accomplish?
I don't really get the nuances between these two questions. I hoped to get through to my partner. I felt that he didn't get what was my problem in the relationship and I wanted to have someone else paraphrase it to him. Ideally he would find out that there is something he needs to work on with a psychiatrist.
5. Was the process highly structured (objective, outlines, homework), moderately restructured, or not structured at all? You have a book written material to support therapy? Did the therapist direct the conversation and have a lot of control or was it more freeform with the therapist helping you over the rough spots?
It's not structured at all. Basically she asks us in the beginning what we want to talk about. Then she asks us through it. One of us talks and then she asks the other why they did or said that or how they perceived the situation. Sometimes she is likely to judge a bit: "Oh, that's not really a loving reaction" or "That's not fair to talk like this." or "That was a thought-terminating cliché." But she is trying to keep it even.
6. Where all your sessions as a couple or did you have private sessions as well? Why? If not, did either partner have private discussions with the therapist? Why?
The first two meeings were privte each. But it was too early for me. I wasn't able to tell the therapist the important points and she wasn't able to ask the right questions, because she didn't know us then.
7. What was the counselors assessment of the problem? Did you ever mention any diagnosis for tendencies for either of you? What was the counselors advice to you? To her? Did the counselor teach you any skills? What? What was most helpful/least helpful?
She thinks we're two people who lack the ability to compromise. She taught us to repeat what the other one has said, to make sure we got it right. This is the most interesting question, to me.
8. How would you rate the counseling? It made matters:
- a lot worse
- worse
- it neither helped or hurt
- better
- a lot better
It made matters slightly better.
9. How many sessions you had together and why did the therapy end? What is the status of your relation afterward (married, together, separated, etc.)?
We had 2-3 sessions together until now. But counseling hasn't ended yet. We're together, but I moved out to take a break.
10. If you had it to do over, what would you do different?
I would confront the therapist with my assumption my partner has BPD in the private session.
