Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
June 27, 2024, 04:09:03 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Experts share their discoveries
[video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
> Topic:
QUESTION for those that have been recycled appreciate it. Thank you
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: QUESTION for those that have been recycled appreciate it. Thank you (Read 383 times)
blueblue12
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 206
QUESTION for those that have been recycled appreciate it. Thank you
«
on:
February 25, 2017, 01:29:25 PM »
For those of you that may not know my story, relationship/married for ten years. The last year was painful, my ex decided that we had to end, I was "too controlling, jealous type of guy." I thought we had a pretty good marriage, we did a million things together, including first-class creative artistic things among many other connections we had.
I tried in vain not to derail the marriage, went counselling, tried to keep the marriage together, my ex went cold and detached. I was like a puppy dog, walking on eggshells all year long, it was painful and I felt a complete loss of self esteem as I tried and tried with my ex all year long. But she was adamant that we should sell the house, separate, get divorced and move on. My T at the time mentioned 'borderline' I had no idea what that meant and started researching.
But in the meantime I had no choice but to go along. At times during the year she was a tad warm but most of the times, very cold. Just before the house sale she left to go to a conference far away. I stayed, got the house sold, packed all my bits for a few weeks, found a couple of strange notes from a guy so I thought she was already moving on and before she returned left the house and sent her a goodbye letter. She promptly started writing texts saying "please don't say goodbye" etc.
By then I couldn't handle it any longer so I went NC and went on a holiday far away. Kept NC for two months. Meanwhile she would write to my son asking for this and that from me via him. I kept quiet. She kept persisting. I asked my T what to do. His response was, send the bits and wish her well.
Well as soon as I sent that, the direct correspondence commenced! And it started with "miss you so much, love you, can we fix our issues, can't be without you, my life is terrible without you" etc... .
I am wondering what are some of your past experiences of 'recycling' for those that went back. I love my ex, BUT... .I was extremely hurt by all that I was put through and honestly I would not want to go through that terrible year again, I had a horrible painful time and she was mean and detached. I feel that I can't really trust her ways, I just have no idea how long it would last. She keeps writing about a "fresh new start" and I have not responded.
Would love to hear your experiences and your thoughts on such sudden changes, "when you thought you were completely out and they pull you back in again" to quote a famous mafia line!
Thank you, sincerely... .
Logged
Lucky Jim
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6211
Re: QUESTION for those that have been recycled appreciate it. Thank you
«
Reply #1 on:
February 27, 2017, 10:29:43 AM »
Hey Raul, If you decided to recycle, what makes you think things would go differently? Her fear of abandonment has presumably kicked in. Talk is cheap, of course. What has she done, or what is she doing, that indicates a change on her part? Probably nothing. Sorry to be so pessimistic, but many of us who have recycled, including me, ended up in the same place except with a lot more pain.
LuckyJim
Logged
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
blueblue12
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 206
Re: QUESTION for those that have been recycled appreciate it. Thank you
«
Reply #2 on:
February 28, 2017, 06:57:14 AM »
Hello Lucky,
Thanks for writing. Actually I am quite scared about the recycle, is like what does it really mean? Why is this suddenly possible when a few months and throughout the year there was no way anything was going to be fixed? There was really no interest from her. Even when she wrote a few months ago it was like "I will miss you forever" meaning goodbye... .then all of the sudden when I decide to go NC and accept her decision she loves me again and would like to fix things! Now? Why now? She hasn't articulated the motivation for her change of stance, I actually don't know why she has changed her mind now... .
Logged
Lucky Jim
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6211
Re: QUESTION for those that have been recycled appreciate it. Thank you
«
Reply #3 on:
February 28, 2017, 09:28:23 AM »
Hey Raul, My view is that it's all part of the never-ending push/pull dynamic. It could be that's she's trying to see if you are still on the line, just in case. To me, as I mentioned, it's all part of her fear of abandonment. LJ
Logged
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
> Topic:
QUESTION for those that have been recycled appreciate it. Thank you
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...