Estranged from parents for 3 years, BPD mom and dad just died

[Zephie]

Mom BPD, dad was unhappy but stayed with her has now died. I had therapy 3 yrs ago and helped a lot and decided to go no contact. Grief not overwhelming as now he won't suffer any longer from his illness or her behavior. Struggling now with whether or not to have contact with her. She is trying to reach out at this time, I've not responded to her.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Zephie:   

I'm sorry your father has passed.    My father passed in October of 2014.  You say he won't suffer from her behavior any longer.  Was your mom abusive to your dad?  Do you have any siblings?

I'm glad you therapy helped you a lot.  Was there a particular event that prompted you to go no contact (NC) with your mother?

Do you live close to your mom?  What are some of the behaviors you might expect from her, if you agree to make contact again?

It doesn't hurt to sharpen or learn some skills, in case you do contact your mom.  It can be strategic to think about some boundaries you would want to put in place for your protection and well being.  The boundaries would be up to you to enforce. 

A good place to start learning some skills is to go to the wide green band at the very top of this page.  You will find a "tools" menu there.  There is a link to information on boundaries and other skills.

What might be some boundaries you would want to set with your mom, should you agree to resume some level of contact?  If you do agree to see her, you can always change your contact level back the way it was.  Some people go back and forth between no contact and limited contact. 

[Kwamina]

Hi Zephie

Like Naughty Nibbler I too am sorry your father has passed away. Your mother has BPD and you went NC 3 years ago, did you still have contact with your father during this time? How was your relationship with your father?

You mention your mother trying to reach out to you, in what ways is she doing this?

The grieving process can take various forms. Take care as you mourn the loss of your father