Hi

[spaciechick1]

Hi I think my husband has BPD.  Ive been with him for 14 years.  His mood swings have gotten much more often.  Im in the middle of a 5 day silent treatment.  Its so complicated to write in a paragraph all the history which Im sure most of you can relate to.
I know Im enabling him.  He was so verbally abused as a child.  No one in his family speak to each but him and his Mom and he speaks to one aunt.  No one else has any communication.  I come from what looks like a normal family we fight make up fight again.  So I cant even comprehend cutting family out.  I have 2 boys 24 & 27.  One ran as far away as he could the other comes back and forth.  My husband seems to reset him to most.  He was the one that idealize him too. 
On top of all this we run a business together so we are together 24/7 until I decided to return to school.  Of course that went over like a fart in church.  I also starting working with a soul coach back in Sept, she has been my life line.  Im working really hard on changing my behavior.  I just shut up and dont say a word usually which makes him even madder.  He wants me to jump up and down and throw a tantrum and I refuse.  I dont fight when Im angry its one of MY laws.  But once the fight is over and the silent treatment usually for 3 days is over we usually dont talk about it.  So the cycle continues.  Im tired.  I do love him very much Im just at a lose.  I cant let him treat me like this anymore.  My son seems to handle it better.  Hes worked for us on and off for 12 years.  Of course he got fired again its like a joke.  I dont think he'll come back  He said he doesn't need t be treated like that and fired because of something stupid.
Any suggestions would be helpful.  Im reading "Walking on eggshells" now it's like a mirror of my life for the most part

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[WifeOfProbableBP]

What is the thing that is bothering you the most? Is it when he tries to get you riled up?

[spaciechick1]

Probably yes That and he knows exactly what to say that will hurt me the most. 
We did have sort of a break through he agreed to therapy.  I dont communicate myself properly.  Im hoping therapy will help.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi spacie ,

Welcome to the board. How does your husband respond when you stop talking to him during an argument? In not saying anything, does this allow you to be authentic to yourself and state how you feel?

One important thing when communicating with someone with BPD is to validate what they are feeling. They often begin to yell because they think they are not being heard or not understood. Shutting down communication by not speaking during an argument can trigger fears of abandonment in them. There are many workshops on the right side of the board that can help you learn new ways of communicating with your pwBPD. Could your not speaking during arguments be causing him to use the silent treatment?

Here is a link to one of them on something we call S.E.T (Support Empahty Truth)

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0