Motion to have me removed from my house...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Well here we are, my teenage sons refuse to come to their childhood home because of my uBPDw and her and her children are giving me the silent treatment and have taken over the home basically forcing me to live in my basement. My boys and I've lived in and owned the home for over 12 years and my wife and her children have been here less than 3 and on Wednesday we go to court because she filed a motion with millions of spurious claims against me... .I can't even believe this is happening, it some sort of nightmare. Her and her attorney... .I'm starting to lose faith in humanity... .

NS

[NewStart]

Well here we are, my teenage sons refuse to come to their childhood home because of my uBPDw and her and her children are giving me the silent treatment and have taken over the home basically forcing me to live in my basement. My boys and I've lived in and owned the home for over 12 years and my wife and her children have been here less than 3 and on Wednesday we go to court because she filed a motion with millions of spurious claims against me... .I can't even believe this is happening, it some sort of nightmare. Her and her attorney... .I'm starting to lose faith in humanity... .

NS

[Panda39]

NewStart,

   

You are in the thick of it and it's such a hard place to be! The unfairness and the uncertainty is absolutely miserable. The hurt and the anger are no fun either.  I also know from experience that the stress level goes up the closer you get to that court date.

As the court date draws closer try to do some things for yourself... .maybe that movie you want to see, put your mind on something else for a couple hours, get outside and take a walk exercise does wonders, spend sometime out of the house with your boys doing something you like to do together... .

I also want to suggest if you aren't already you might want to get a therapist for some support as you go through this.  My SO found it really helpful to have a place to vent and get an outside perspective.  It's just a thought.

Take a deep breathe and hang in there.   

Panda39

[NewStart]

Thanks Panda,

I've got a great support group of friends, but the neighborhood smear campaign is in full swing as my wife really needs this motion to have me removed from the house as the final piece she can point to and say, "See the court ordered him to leave!"

Just all so sick and disturbing... .

NS

[NewStart]

Take a deep breathe and hang in there

That's what my attorney said, don't get rattled just have to stay calm... .now if I could get a real nights rest :/

[livednlearned]

I'm so sorry to hear that

It sure is shocking how upside down things can get before they get better.

Dig deep and find those big breaths. My lawyer said the same thing to me, Don't get rattled -- it may even be a sign she is fearful that things aren't going her way.

You will probably not walk away a richer man but even in such an unfair system, there are judges who see things for what they are.

Just because things are bad for 3 days in a row doesn't mean they will be bad for 4 

Hopefully you will see some small wins soon and can start getting that rest you need.

 

LnL

[ForeverDad]

Since you've lived there longer (and possibly she can't afford the home on her own resources long term) can you propose to the court that she transition to a nearby apartment?  The idea is to propose solutions, alternatives that are better for the long term.  The reason is that once she has you out, then she can delay the process so that with all the continuances and whatnot she can prolong her occupation of the home (by delaying the resolution of the case) for much longer than even the court anticipates.

Besides denying her unsubstantiated claims and presenting your own documentation otherwise, you want to be seen as the person presenting solid solutions.

Otherwise it will be hard to sway the court with "I and my boys have lived there for 12 years" when she claims (very emotionally and posturing as a victim and target) "She and her children have lived there 3 years".

When I interviewed my divorce attorney he estimated "6 months for divorce, 7-9 months for a divorce with children".  He was way off, it was 23.5 months.

[livednlearned]

FD makes a good idea about countering a bad proposal with a good one.

It may also help to be as quantitative as you can.

The number of mortgage payments she has made versus how many you have made.
The percentage of your income that has gone toward mortgage, escrow, upkeep of the home.
The number of years you have lived there.
The number of nights the boys have stayed elsewhere because they feel intimidated to live in their own home.
Momentous occasions that took place in that home, the birthdays your boys celebrated, the day you all moved in.
Put this in terms both quantitative and qualitative so that the judge can picture the whole story.

This is your home. This is where you boys grew up.

Do you feel confident that your lawyer is a good litigator? It might be worth watching him/her in court to see.

My L adapted her litigating style to the judge, and knew exactly what he cared about. She was persuasive and very articulate without being aggressive, and had lots of experience litigating, not just a paper pusher. We were in court a lot (my ex was a former trial lawyer who loved taking me to court ... .) and so I got to hear her comment on other lawyers, what they were doing well, what they were doing wrong. At one point, a lawyer motioned to stop the hearing so she could confer with my lawyer out in the hallway to get advice.

[NewStart]

Thank you all for the all for the thoughts and advice it was all VERY helpful and we had a victory yesterday!

BIG WIN, still a long way to go, but BIG WIN!

So the hearing on the temporary motion to have me removed from the home while the divorce was settled was yesterday and it went as follows... .

I arrived at the courthouse and so did 4 of my best friends, all of whom I've know for at least 15 years and the longest for over 20.  So we go into the courtroom and it is just my uBPDw, her attorney, my attorney, my 4 friends and me.  This immediately has my wife and her attorney off their game as he is know as an aggressive pit-bull litigator who excels in the courtroom at rattling his opponents.  At this point the judge asks if the attorneys would like to do this the "old school" way, back in chambers, so that is where the motion was handled, out of site back in chambers with the judge and attorneys only.  My uBPDw goes to a side chambers room, the attorneys and the judge go back to chambers and my friends and I are in the courtroom alone, all fireworks doused! 

In the end the judge basically said both of you stay in the house and just get this done, this is all just a bunch of nonsense and from what he could tell a settlement is close so just finish this. 

So of course my uBPDw can't accept this and comes back with fine if I'm not forced out she'll move out and I will have to pay the mortgage all the household expenses while we settle.  I think she though I'd say no... .but I said ok that works for me, the judge said ok I can't force her to stay so if that's what she wants that's fine.  Well at that point she and her attorney are further back on their heals, I can tell she is agitated and her attorney is visibly not happy either, giving me glares etc.  They kept coming back that they didn't trust I won't keep coming home in my "alcohol induces profanity laced tirades" (this has NEVER happened).  Judge comes back with no alcohol in the home, no extreme profanity and uBPDw is free to leave the home.  They just kept pressing the "alcohol induces profanity laced tirades" and the judge finally stopped them and very matter of fact said, "look this is covered by no extreme profanity, so we're done here".

My attorney said get the best voice recorder you can, keep your head down and that was a WIN! 

Have to say I've heard a lot about her attorney, that he coaches his clients, takes loses personally, etc. and the look he gave me when they walked out... .and how upset my uBPDw looked... .I got the feeling they're coming for me... .I'm just avoiding my house and not really talking to anyone until this thing is over or I'm gonna get framed into something!

Thanks again... .little victory, but it REALLY pulled me out of a low spot!

NS

[Swiggle]

I've been watching your story, so glad to hear of your victory yesterday!

[NewStart]

I've been watching your story, so glad to hear of your victory yesterday!

I was really starting to lose faith in humanity, starting to think that maybe the good guy doesn't win, that bad people can just get away with it etc... .well it's not over and there is still a sinking suspicion in my mind that she's up to something to counter this... .but like my buddy said last night, it's a victory so just enjoy the moment and keep hoping for the best.

Thanks!

NS

[GaGrl]

I hope you went straight out and bought the voice activated recorder and are wearing it on your person 24/7!

Yes, she telegraphed how she would play it, no doubt.

Are you telling her you are wearing a recorder?

[NewStart]

I hope you went straight out and bought the voice activated recorder and are wearing it on your person 24/7!

I bought one on Amazon less than a month ago and it's already broken?  So I'll hit Best Buy this evening and pick one up!

Are you telling her you are wearing a recorder?

I haven't... .should I?  I just think that might make angry and then she'd have an opportunity to watch for a situation where I don't have it, or is the deterrent factor of telling them the best?

[Panda39]

               

Great News! Yep, keep that recorder handy... .check with your attorney in terms of how you use it... .overt or covert.

Panda39

[NewStart]

check with your attorney in terms of how you use it... .overt or covert.

Good call, hate to get the goods and have them be inadmissible!

[livednlearned]

Your attorney told you to get a recorder... .that suggests it is ok?

There are benefits to having it be overt. It may keep your wife on her best behavior, for one. My ex approached the car with a shovel and looked like he was going to threaten me, so I took out my phone and hit record. He saw it and immediately turned around and went back in the house. He never approached the car after that.

Having a recorder is probably more about insurance than anything else. You saw how it goes in court -- things can move fast and there is a lot of posturing. Sometimes just hinting that there is factual evidence can pop a hole in their balloon.

You could even say in court that you have 24/7 recordings of your daily conduct and are willing to give the tapes to the opposing counsel so they can comb through evidence of the extreme alcohol-laced profanity that is troubling them.

 

[NewStart]

You could even say in court that you have 24/7 recordings of your daily conduct and are willing to give the tapes to the opposing counsel so they can comb through evidence of the extreme alcohol-laced profanity that is troubling them.

Haha, I love that idea!  As for the recorder my attorney said that it's important with the profanity piece and context to have a recorder as well.  Say you stub your toe and say $#!% and are accused of using profanity, the judge can here it in context and deny any action for it's use in that situation etc.

So weird to have to do any of this really, hope we can just get this settled and MOVE ON sooner than later.

NS

[livednlearned]

Also, since when is profanity or drinking alcohol illegal.

You just witnessed the theatrics of court.

Them: "He's a bad guy! Throw him in the dungeon!"
Judge: "Ok, ok already. Why are you even here in my court."

[david]

My ex tried to get me evicted and lost. She then showed up the next day and had the police, that were with her, convinced I was to be evicted. I was literally standing in the driveway calling my attorney. I handed the phone to one of the police officers and ex simply stated she was sorry for the misunderstanding.
She moved out a few days later. I learned from my neighbors that she was coming around during the day and walking around the house looking in the windows. I wished I had cameras mounted outside my house to catch it all.

[ForeverDad]

In the end the judge basically said both of you stay in the house and just get this done, this is all just a bunch of nonsense and from what he could tell a settlement is close so just finish this. 

So of course my uBPDw can't accept this and comes back with fine if I'm not forced out she'll move out and I will have to pay the mortgage all the household expenses while we settle.  I think she though I'd say no... .but I said ok that works for me, the judge said ok I can't force her to stay so if that's what she wants that's fine.  Well at that point she and her attorney are further back on their heals, I can tell she is agitated and her attorney is visibly not happy either, giving me glares etc.  They kept coming back that they didn't trust I won't keep coming home in my "alcohol induces profanity laced tirades" (this has NEVER happened).  Judge comes back with no alcohol in the home, no extreme profanity and uBPDw is free to leave the home.  They just kept pressing the "alcohol induces profanity laced tirades" and the judge finally stopped them and very matter of fact said, "look this is covered by no extreme profanity, so we're done here".

My attorney said get the best voice recorder you can, keep your head down and that was a WIN!

I agree with the recorder.  By the end of my divorce I had 3 Olympus voice recorders in all, in case one was full or another had dead batteries.  Back then they only held a few hours and needed a special app to download.  Recent models hold hundreds of hours and just plug into USB.   And that's just one brand, there are many others.  I remember seeing even pencams advertised.  Put it in a shirt pocket and you got video and audio in a pen that wrote.

I loved reading how the judge said she was free to move out, he would not force her to stay.   This is a reminder that you cannot, on your own, force her to do anything.  In fact if you did anything that restricted her then she might claim that you're a controller.  When I was being cross-examined by my ex's attorney when we had initially separated, he asked me if I wanted her back.  I think he was trying to make me appear to be a controller, he had already asked me to confirm I weighed more than her, as though my weight would be reason for her to fear me.  Fortunately I replied, "No, not the way she is."