I'm feeling positive

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

For the first time in 6 years I am feeling positive.
My husband kicked a pain med addiction and has been off them for 1 year now.
My husband is in group therapy for BPD and is making some good progress
My husband has only called in 1 name in a whole year! Considering he used to call me names at least several times a week I think this is good work.

I am trying to heal now. alot of damage has been done ( he was never physically abusive) I would have left if that line was crossed.

But... .psychological wounds can still be very raw.  I think I am finally managing to move past them... .

For now I am happy with feeling ok at where we are, the house feeling a lot calmer etc.

[Jester20]

For the first time in 6 years I am feeling positive.
My husband kicked a pain med addiction and has been off them for 1 year now.
My husband is in group therapy for BPD and is making some good progress
My husband has only called in 1 name in a whole year! Considering he used to call me names at least several times a week I think this is good work.

I am trying to heal now. alot of damage has been done ( he was never physically abusive) I would have left if that line was crossed.

But... .psychological wounds can still be very raw.  I think I am finally managing to move past them... .

For now I am happy with feeling ok at where we are, the house feeling a lot calmer etc.

[formflier]

This is wonderful!   

Tell me about what you do for self care?  How are you "soothing" your wounds?

I'm very encouraged for you by your post. 

Honestly... .I'm sort of in a similar place.  The things I complain about today... .are nothing like a year ago... .or 3 years ago. 

My wife has gotten better.  More importantly... .I look to myself for my own validation, healing... .and positivism.

Yes... .sometimes my wife validates... is positive... etc etc... .and when she does that I enjoy it... .but I don't count on it.

FF

[Jester20]

Hi FF,
I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner. i have been working lots... .very tired.

Well... .how am I soothing my wounds?
I have started doing something once or twice a week by myself like a treat... .so I either go to the movies, or go out and have tea with freinds... .it's a continuation of moving back to 'what life was for me' before I met my husband.
He has never tried to isolate me from family or friends but things were rough for a very long time I just didn't have the energy to ' put on a brace face'... .this has been good for me as I am becoming more like my old self.

My wounds are also healing because I have decided that not forgiving him only hurts me... .I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life.
I need to let the past go... .it isn't going to help me move on. Either with or without him.
I have held on to much anger and resentment and I didn't think I could let go... .I told him I forgave him but I didn't... .I could feel I didn't ... .
this has been quite a good thing for me.

He has also made a good commitment to his therapy... .I can notice some little changes... .
He has shared a lot with me over the weeks that answer a lot of things... .
1.) we had a minor disagreement a few days ago... .I thought he was in the wrong and should apologise.
The next morning on the couch I said " can we talk about last night" he agreed. I explained my view.
I explained that I am very frustrated that he cannot apologise when he is in the wrong.
He said that he doesn't apologise because I do not accept apologies.
He also said ( and this is a revelation  to me) that on discussing verbal abuse ... ." couples argue and say things " it's normal in relationships" now I think this is what he has seen as a youngster and grown up with.
I said to him if he would be happy to discuss this at therapy this week and he is... .
I also said that I was sorry if he thought this was normal and that I wasn't sure if he had seen this as a child but that this was not in the slightest bit normal... .arguing of course ... .no one is perfect but verbal s use and name calling is unacceptable... .I think this was genuine... .he was REALLY shocked!.

He is working on getting my greenhouse up for me and it should be up in 8 weeks. The garden is a good place for us... .we grew a lot of vegetables 4 years ago... .

He is going on daily walks with the dog whilst I am at work... .he no longer feels the need to wait for me to get home in order for him to get out.

He would never leave the house without me.

He will be moving onto the next part of his therapy in 8 weeks. This last 7 months has been pre therapy therapy... .he isn't dreading it... .