Need some help...possible moral dilemma

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Trying to think ahead. I am going through a divorce. Will not know a court date until mid june.
My wife will find out monday or tuesday that service was accepted by my lawyer.

My wife has been having an issue with swollen lymph glands for the past couple months. Drs have had ultrasounds done on them, treated her with antibiotics etc
Dr does not think it is lymphoma. My wife is pressing for further diagnosis, i dont blame her. The case with my wife most of the time is everything is ok.

Not sure what i would do if she was diagnosed with cancer. From what i have read is that lymphoma is very treatable

I know it sounds like i am concerned about myself, i am to some extent, but i am concerned for her and one more hit in her life yes and in turn does affect me

[byfaith]

Trying to think ahead. I am going through a divorce. Will not know a court date until mid june.
My wife will find out monday or tuesday that service was accepted by my lawyer.

My wife has been having an issue with swollen lymph glands for the past couple months. Drs have had ultrasounds done on them, treated her with antibiotics etc
Dr does not think it is lymphoma. My wife is pressing for further diagnosis, i dont blame her. The case with my wife most of the time is everything is ok.

Not sure what i would do if she was diagnosed with cancer. From what i have read is that lymphoma is very treatable

I know it sounds like i am concerned about myself, i am to some extent, but i am concerned for her and one more hit in her life yes and in turn does affect me

[formflier]

Concern and responsibility are two different things.

She has made it clear that she wants nothing to do with Byfaith.  (    ).

I suppose that might be a bit extreme.  I'm sure if you would do everything she wanted and put no demands on her... .she might be ok with that.

Anyway... .wish her the best of luck with it.

That's tough to do.  She had plenty of time to think through the consequences of divorce.  If she missed thinking this through... .experiencing the consequences will help her mature.

Don't rescue.

What ever happened with the "service issue" for the divorce filing?

Hang in there man... .

FF 

[Grey Kitty]

I'd suggest you separate things:

I am going through a divorce.

So continue going through your divorce. You chose to end your marriage, and you have good reasons for your choice. I don't anything in this that will change how your wife treats you... .or if it does change, it would be for the worse, not for the better.

It is time to stop thinking of her as your wife.

Divorcing somebody because they have cancer isn't normal. Neither is marrying them because they have cancer. Stopping your divorce proceedings would almost be like deciding to marry her again, and you sure aren't ready for that!

Not sure what i would do if she was diagnosed with cancer.

What would you do if somebody else you know (not your spouse) was diagnosed with cancer?

[byfaith]

Don't rescue.

What ever happened with the "service issue" for the divorce filing?

You are right, I have expressed concern, that is all I can do

Service was accepted this past Friday... .last minute but it happened. Some miscommunication but things are rolling. She will find out today that service was accepted, so going home tonight should be interesting.

I'd suggest you separate things:

It is time to stop thinking of her as your wife.

Have to be honest its difficult to do, she is my wife legally so I am trying to figure this out and navigate through it. I still care about her but not in the husband/wife type of way.

[formflier]

she is my wife legally 

Depending on state law... .I think even this might be in question, although it could take a lot of time and money to prove.  I'm not suggesting you attempt this.

It really depends on the annulment laws and "fraud" laws in your state. 

This is an area where lots of nons get all twisted up.  There partner flaunts the law and the non seems to hold tighter to ensuring their obligations (perceived or otherwise) under the law have been met. 

This is a good thing when one partner has "momentary" lapses of judgment or cognitive ability.  My understanding is the dynamic has been going on in this marriage for several years and it appears to be the same dynamic that played out in many previous marriages.

Hang in there byfaith.  I'm glad service is over.  It's another step in the process.

No need to talk about it this evening.  "That's not something I will discuss... " is all that needs to be said.

I would make sure you have your recording app on your phone going when you get home.

FF

[Grey Kitty]

Have to be honest its difficult to do, she is my wife legally so I am trying to figure this out and navigate through it. I still care about her but not in the husband/wife type of way.

I'm aware she is still legally your wife. Actually I've been separated a couple years, but have mostly divided up our finances, and neither me nor my stbexwife has filed papers or (to my knowledge), retained a lawyer.

Please try to make the mental shift to thinking of yourself as single and thinking of her not as your wife. When you get there, it will make going forward easier.

I hope you stay strong and manage whatever emotional storms you find tonight, now that it has taken another step that direction. (accepting service)