Adult daughter

[Parents! Get help here!]

Anyone out there with advice on dealing with a 35 yr old daughter with 15 yr old son. Our Family has been verbally abused by her tirades since she was 15. Only done behind closed doors and only to those who love her. How do you help a person that has a mask of sweetness,empathy and helpfulness to anyone we reach out to for help. CPS, school counsellors, mental health and MD. My grand son is now the victim as we will not tolerate her abuse. In researching this site I now believe he is suffering from oppositional defiance disorder considering the issues he is having in school. The stepfather is an enabler,week passive does what he is told,and sleeps in his own bed at Her request to no intimacy,no touching her or kissing etc. He has been there for 11 yrs. She has Empathy towards anything and every person she meets,but not to her family or son. She says I am sick and need to get help when approaching the mental health issues. My grandson is terrified and will tell family member what is going on daily in the home but gets no back up or support from the stepfather. He will not speak about it when she or stepfather is present because he is called a lying spoiled brat. Is there help for a person with the capabilities of Dr Jeckel and Mr Hyde 24 hrs a day. She never drops the mask unless in the car or behind closed doors, no matter which one of our homes she is in. These are middle class people with great jobs and seem very well put togeather. Home is spotless per her demands.  She refused to give me custody of this fine young man, who needs guidance and help from me and a mental health professional.

[Austin53]

Anyone out there with advice on dealing with a 35 yr old daughter with 15 yr old son. Our Family has been verbally abused by her tirades since she was 15. Only done behind closed doors and only to those who love her. How do you help a person that has a mask of sweetness,empathy and helpfulness to anyone we reach out to for help. CPS, school counsellors, mental health and MD. My grand son is now the victim as we will not tolerate her abuse. In researching this site I now believe he is suffering from oppositional defiance disorder considering the issues he is having in school. The stepfather is an enabler,week passive does what he is told,and sleeps in his own bed at Her request to no intimacy,no touching her or kissing etc. He has been there for 11 yrs. She has Empathy towards anything and every person she meets,but not to her family or son. She says I am sick and need to get help when approaching the mental health issues. My grandson is terrified and will tell family member what is going on daily in the home but gets no back up or support from the stepfather. He will not speak about it when she or stepfather is present because he is called a lying spoiled brat. Is there help for a person with the capabilities of Dr Jeckel and Mr Hyde 24 hrs a day. She never drops the mask unless in the car or behind closed doors, no matter which one of our homes she is in. These are middle class people with great jobs and seem very well put togeather. Home is spotless per her demands.  She refused to give me custody of this fine young man, who needs guidance and help from me and a mental health professional.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

I well remember when I was 12 being "sent" to therapy. It was supposed to be family therapy but my BPD mother abandoned it after one joint session, in which she jumped down my throat and the T didn't intervene. I clammed up.  Didn't tell the truth.  25 years later, my mother finally shared with me,  "that T said that you were one of the most well- adjusted young men he'd ever talked to." Though long past that time,  I felt like screaming. 

You mentioned 4 avenues who seem like they aren't helping.  Has anyone taken these concerns seriously at all? It doesn't sound like it.  What is the feedback?

[Austin53]

We are in the beginning stages of a CPS claim against her and my other daughter grandsons aunt is filing for guardianship. I'm not sure he will talk to a judge with parents present. Everyone just says they don't see it when she is interviewed. I am filing for grandparent visit ion as I am no long allow to see him after CPS visit.