I am being screwed over by my ex and my lawyer...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I am really having a hard time today. It is his birthday for one, he has not paid my alimony going on 3 months. My back went out for trying to over work to make up for the lack of money. I have had to stop part of my work which cuts my pay in half in order to get my back better. I was supposed to be going to court to last week, but my lawyer screwed the whole thing up by serving him too late so he wasn't served in enough days before court. Then when he showed up to court, we were not there because she was supposed to be trying to get the order continued! The judge called her to come down there immediately. The Judge dismissed the whole case!  She admits she messed the whole thing up and will not charge me for that, but we have to start all over again! I have been dealing with lawyers and court for 2 1/2 years now and I am not getting anywhere. He took me to court and it cost me $6 to defend myself in which my lawyer said I would be able to get the money back, but then he surprised us with a bankruptcy case putting a "stay" on the case. Now that it has sat open with nothing happening it is being closed out, unless I want to pay more! My lawyer never had his funds frozen, so we lost out on all the money we should have gotten. He lied and hid his assets in the divorce and we found out the next month he had money we didn't know about. I am fed up with being screwed over. This is too much money for me to just let it go. I am flat broke and there he is going on vacations and buying things and pretending he can't pay me! This is so unfair, I have suffered for so long. He used me for years and then pretends to be broke to get out of paying for the separation and divorce when he caused it. He should have paid for the whole thing. I feel like my lawyer is screwing me over and I was told when this is all settled and if she gets me no where to report her. I told her that I have paid her with all of the alimony I was receiving from him and now I am broke. I should have been able to use that money for my own savings for emergencies and now I am having a crisis and I am screwed. I just have been so depressed and crying all weekend. The lawyer in her office that is now handling the case said she will not charge me for all of the mistakes and I am trying to explain to her about this personality disorder and how he is out to do me in. He is on the anti-social side. I know some of you would say walk away, but I have nothing to walk away with or to. I have to try and get something, even if it is just a judgement.They made us continue his case  when he didn't show up to court because he had a bad lawyer, when it was costing me money - this time my attorney makes a mistake and I have to start all over again. Unbelievable. My lawyer even said it wasn't fair what was done to me by the judge on the last case. He basically gave my exes lawyer a lesson on law at my expense. I should have gotten my $6 K back when his lawyer screwed up! I am so ready to reach out to the bar, but I have to wait as to not have my attorney leave me now with so much information and money on my case. There is more, but I just can't explain it all- I just am overwhelmed with how the system has failed me.   We are going on a 5th case! He never paid his lawyer and I guess that guy let mine know he had wished he had checked him out better before taking him on.  He knows now what he is and is no longer working with him. He embarrassed him in court. It is incredible. I would be glad to see him in jail at this point- it just doesn't seem fair that someone so evil can keep screwing you over years after you are apart. I am sure he thinks of it differently, but he knows the truth. He has taken advantage of me for 10 years. When does it end? When does good win over evil? When do the courts ever help the innocent?    

[Herodias]

I am really having a hard time today. It is his birthday for one, he has not paid my alimony going on 3 months. My back went out for trying to over work to make up for the lack of money. I have had to stop part of my work which cuts my pay in half in order to get my back better. I was supposed to be going to court to last week, but my lawyer screwed the whole thing up by serving him too late so he wasn't served in enough days before court. Then when he showed up to court, we were not there because she was supposed to be trying to get the order continued! The judge called her to come down there immediately. The Judge dismissed the whole case!  She admits she messed the whole thing up and will not charge me for that, but we have to start all over again! I have been dealing with lawyers and court for 2 1/2 years now and I am not getting anywhere. He took me to court and it cost me $6 to defend myself in which my lawyer said I would be able to get the money back, but then he surprised us with a bankruptcy case putting a "stay" on the case. Now that it has sat open with nothing happening it is being closed out, unless I want to pay more! My lawyer never had his funds frozen, so we lost out on all the money we should have gotten. He lied and hid his assets in the divorce and we found out the next month he had money we didn't know about. I am fed up with being screwed over. This is too much money for me to just let it go. I am flat broke and there he is going on vacations and buying things and pretending he can't pay me! This is so unfair, I have suffered for so long. He used me for years and then pretends to be broke to get out of paying for the separation and divorce when he caused it. He should have paid for the whole thing. I feel like my lawyer is screwing me over and I was told when this is all settled and if she gets me no where to report her. I told her that I have paid her with all of the alimony I was receiving from him and now I am broke. I should have been able to use that money for my own savings for emergencies and now I am having a crisis and I am screwed. I just have been so depressed and crying all weekend. The lawyer in her office that is now handling the case said she will not charge me for all of the mistakes and I am trying to explain to her about this personality disorder and how he is out to do me in. He is on the anti-social side. I know some of you would say walk away, but I have nothing to walk away with or to. I have to try and get something, even if it is just a judgement.They made us continue his case  when he didn't show up to court because he had a bad lawyer, when it was costing me money - this time my attorney makes a mistake and I have to start all over again. Unbelievable. My lawyer even said it wasn't fair what was done to me by the judge on the last case. He basically gave my exes lawyer a lesson on law at my expense. I should have gotten my $6 K back when his lawyer screwed up! I am so ready to reach out to the bar, but I have to wait as to not have my attorney leave me now with so much information and money on my case. There is more, but I just can't explain it all- I just am overwhelmed with how the system has failed me.   We are going on a 5th case! He never paid his lawyer and I guess that guy let mine know he had wished he had checked him out better before taking him on.  He knows now what he is and is no longer working with him. He embarrassed him in court. It is incredible. I would be glad to see him in jail at this point- it just doesn't seem fair that someone so evil can keep screwing you over years after you are apart. I am sure he thinks of it differently, but he knows the truth. He has taken advantage of me for 10 years. When does it end? When does good win over evil? When do the courts ever help the innocent?    

[ForeverDad]

Can you give a quick synopsis of the issues pending?  There aren't children involved, right?  That reduces the issues to deal with.  What are you dealing with?  Is the divorce final?  The financial distribution of assets or debts?  Property?  Short term spousal support?  How long was the marriage?  Long term alimony if it was a long marriage?  (These days fewer states award long term alimony, more and more alimony is viewed as short term support transitioning the disadvantaged spouse from married life to post-married life.)

As for the dismissed case, I can empathize with you how bad it hurts when legal technicalities result in unexpected and distressing outcomes.  I recall one time I had filed Contempt of Court, lawyer had said it was a 'slam dunk' but the judge picked out a technical issue and wrote a decision saying my ex was "not 'technically' in contempt because she had an inability to comply".  Inability to comply?  She didn't even try to comply!  No one had anticipated her being let off the hook like that, not even her lawyer.  But I had to move on from there.  Sadly, court is not about being fair, it's a judicial system and not a justice system.

One benefit of being a member here is that we get support and guidance while transitioning from being victims and targets to survivors, looking ahead to the future.  Since I haven't been reading many of your posts, I'm not sure what's holding that positive progression back... .

[Herodias]

Now that scares me... .yes, we are divorced. He has not paid alimony for 2 months and just sent me $25 this month which is a joke. He had a promotion at work, he failed to have his alimony reduced during the last case which caused me to pay out thousands of dollars to defend myself. He had $50k in his account which he spent in 6 months and is now filing bankruptcy in order to get out of 12K in debt-ridiculous. The real reason is to not pay me back 6k in lawyers fees. He continue to get VA money which is what he is supposed to be paying me part of. He was also promoted at work. His gf quit her job, which I am sure he convinced her to do as he tried with me. This is not my problem. He may owe back taxes which is also his problem not mine. He hid all the assets during the divorce and his company sent the wrong information. We only found out what he really had when he tried to reduce alimony. When he did not appear in court, they continued his case with sympathy to his lawyer. His lawyer realized he was lying and tried to end the case without my getting fees paid. The ex then filed bankruptcy in order to not pay his lawyer or me. His lawyer will not work with him now-which should show my exes character. My lawyer didn't get him served in time on my contempt case, so we are starting over! She is not charging me for the past 3 weeks of her work, but I am getting scared. She said she will put me on the stand and let me tell the judge all of what has happened, but I am afraid they won't care. I am still being manipulated by him. I really need the money or I wouldn't have even asked. I have paid more than my fair share of the divorce considering all he has done to me. I am having trouble at work now, since I was over doing my job in order to make up for his lack of payment which has now put me in an even more predicament financially. I just can't believe the courts will not see all he has put me through. I know they don't care if you have been conned by someone financially in the past- this all just seems unreal. Almost all of the money I was getting from him over the past two years has been used to pay lawyers fees! He has moved out of state, had several vacations, bought all kinds of expensive items all while pretending to be broke. We have his bank records from last year.  It is disgusting that he is not paying me and I keep getting screwed over. My only recourse was to let the bankruptcy trustee know he did have assets and they said they won't go to his house and look. He lied on their paperwork about not having any. They won't help me get my money either. He will get away with that I suppose to- chapter 7. All debt dismissed. They can't dismiss alimony, but they told me to take him to court. I am trying to do that.

[flourdust]

Hi, Herodias. I see a couple of issues here.

First, the legal/financial dispute. It sounds like some mistakes were made (as acknowledged by your attorney), but things are moving forward now as best they can. The legal process can move slowly, and you may not get the satisfaction you want. But these things are out of your control.

The second issue is that you sound very upset and agitated. Are you just venting today, or are you experiencing a lot of anxiety that's interfering with your ability to think and function? If the latter, I'd encourage you to either meet with your therapist or seek out some resources for stress management. In the paragraph above, I said "things are out of your control." Not being able to control something important to you can make you anxious -- but that anxiety is also a dead end, because you can't control what's causing it! So, trying to treat the anxiety is the best thing you can do for yourself.

[Herodias]

Thanks flourdust, yes- I am very anxious. He was in town for court last week and that was unnerving. I'm also nervous about money. I'm angry that he is getting away with all of this. It is out of my control, but I want to be smart in how it's dealt with so there are no more mistakes and he doesn't trick us or try and come up with yet another way to screw me over.
I supposed he could quit his job in order to not pay me, but she said he would end up in jail. She said alimony is different than child support for some reason. Which is awful that I hear about so many people that move out of state and get away with not paying. I just want something to work out for me for a change. I just keep praying best I can.