My 36 year old daughter is sending hateful texts & blames me for everything

[Hurting mom]

My daughter & I had a good relationship until she had her son 4 years ago.  At that point she decided I was the worst person in the world. Her husband left 4 years ago & things have escalated to an unbearable point. I have been to a counselor & he said she has Borderline personality, some narcissism & OCD. I feel such guilt, shame & like a complete failure. I have a strong faith & pray continually for God to help me be the mom she needs. She is now prohibiting me from seein my four year old grandson, whom I have kept since he was 4 months old. If anyone can give advice, has been where I am, I would truly appreciate it

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi Hurting mom

Welcome to the forum. I'm very glad you found us but sad to learn about your situation with your daughter and grandson. There's other grandmothers on the forum that understand how you're feeling and are in no contact situations. Such a painful state of affairs and I feel for you.

It's wonderful that you're seeing a counsellor and I'm pleased you've got some support and a safe place to work out what's actually going on, you've come to the right place.

The more I learned about BPD, the more I understood why my DS26 behaves the way he does. I encourage you to take a look at the top right hand side of this page and start if you haven't done so yet. Knowledge is power. Once I better understood his challenges and limitations I could see that I needed to change my approach. He often kept me at a distance because he just couldn't deal with the way I responded to him. My DS can't help the way he behaves. Fortunately me changing, has worked so very well for us. This forum has showed me the way to have a better relationship, despite the problems.

There are no quick fixes. There's a lot to learn and it can be overwhelming so it takes baby steps. Gently forwards as you get yourself a toolkit to better interact with your daughter.

You've said your daughter is sending you texts?
Do you respond to them?

Hugs

Lp

[abcdef1]

I am sending  to you. Have been where you are and still am. My 29 yr old daughter def has BPD and is a narcissist. She uses and abuses us (me and DH) when she is here. The only reason we have tolerated this is for our grandchildren, so we try to put up with the rages when they come and do nto trust anything she says. When she is calm, we know another storm is on its way. THis site has helped me tremendously as has reading all kinds of books on BPD and narcissism. I suggest you do this to help YOUO cope, and to help you disengage and get emotionally healthy. I feel your pain, believe me. Good luck.

[Hurting mom]

Lollipop thank you so very much! She turned 36 yesterday & would not accept our invitation for a birthday dinner. No, I don't answer her text because there is no reply for what she is saying. If it's a question, I will just say ok, yes or no. Thank you for telling me about tools on right side! My prayer is that through this community I can learn skills to deal with painful situation. I've survive stage 3 breast cancer & open heart surgery 2years ago. This is worst than going through those health situations

[Hurting mom]

abcdef1 you will never know how much I needed those hugs today! i am so grateful I found this community! It's o e thing to see a counselor, but just knowing your NOT alone makes the pain more bearable