BPD - when is it time to call it quit?

[NYPD]

New to this site:

I have been married for 3 years (no kids together) with a man who shows all the signs of BPD except the suicidal tendencies, until he threatened to drive us into a tree! For a while I thought he was a narcissist but after reading many articles and forums, I came to the conclusion that he has BPD with maybe traits of NPD, but I am not a therapist and don't claim to be one!

At first, I was at a loss, not understanding what was happening. I talked to him, tried to reason, asked questions, compromised, cried, suggested therapy, but all failed.

I started researching in his past and found out that he had lied to me the day I met him. The verbal abuse started slowly then the berating, the threats and the blackmail came along and the last but not least was the physical injury, even though not serious; he denied it and blamed me.

They are very brief moments of "courteous" behaviours, which are followed by passive aggressive remarks, verbal abuse and the cycle starts all over again. It is not if, but when will the next cycle of insanity start?

Is it time to call it quit? If so, what is the "safest" way out of this madness?

Help!

[Lucky Jim]

Hey NYPD, Welcome to the site!  Only you know when it's time to get off the roller coaster.  In the meantime, we can help you to find the right path for you.  To me, your post contains a red flag  :

The verbal abuse started slowly then the berating, the threats and the blackmail came along and the last but not least was the physical injury, even though not serious; he denied it and blamed me.

Verbal and physical abuse, in my view, are unacceptable.  You might want to read up on Boundaries at the Tools button (above).  Can you tell us more about the physical injury?  That sounds extremely hard on your self-esteem.  Suggest you be careful to avoid blaming yourself or rationalizing his abusive behavior.  It's not OK, is the bottom line.

Many of us, including me, have been down this road before you and we are here to help.  Let us know if you have any particular questions.

LuckyJim

[SamwizeGamgee]

Welcome, sorry you're here
Actually, glad you're here, but sorry you had to find yourself here.  

There is a lot going on in your life.  Living with an abuser absolutely has an effect on us.  We "Nons" no doubt had some damage before or after we got into these relationships.  Therefore, practice self-care and read up on boundaries first of all.  You will also likely gain some perspective and second hand wisdom by reading posts here.  It has helped me a lot knowing that I'm not alone, defective, or the only part of the problem.  I hope you find something similar.  

They say that only you know when it's time to split.  I'm taking forever, but I have gained a lot in the meantime.  

I will advise to do as much thinking, study, planning and decision on your own without your partner.  That sounds cold, but, you have to listen to yourself and not involve the abuser in the process.  

Best wishes on your journey.