Next Steps

[jonmnemonic]

We just closed the sale of the family home that my stbxw had been living in and the equity from the sale is sitting in trust until we divide assets.  I've been NC since we separated and all communication is only through our lawyers.  My x ignored numerous requests to allow me access to my belongings including some assets that are excluded from matrimonial property.  She packed up and moved with everything but left some expensive assets behind that the new home owners would have assumed ownership of if I had not intervened.  To say that she has been completely uncooperative would be a gross understatement.

I want to get the assets divided and regain possession of my belongings so we can move this divorce forward.  Basically if she is to keep all the contents and assets she took from the home, there isn't enough money in the home equity sitting in trust to make for an equal 50/50 division of assets for me.  My lawyer cancelled all meetings and court motions that dealt with my wife's request for support.  My lawyers position is we won't further my x's case while she is being unreasonable and hopefully her desire for the money that's sitting in trust will bring her back to reality.

Do you think waiting for my x to return to the table is the right course of action?  Any suggestions of what my next steps should be?

[david]

We sold our house and put the money in an escrow account until we could reach an agreement. It took over two years before ex couldn't stand letting the money just sit there. She then filed to go through equitable distribution. She claimed we had assets of 1.2 million dollars and that I stole all of the things. She hand wrote 4 pages and itemized them all. During the two years I gathered information to prove she emptied our house. I had pictures from facebook of her new residence with 80% of the things she wrote on the list. I agreed with the valuation and simply asked for my half in cash. It was nowhere near that amount but once her attorney saw my evidence she took her client out of the room and we settled. The escrow was split 70/30 in my favor. I could have gotten more but it would have taken 6 to 10 more months of being married and most of the extra money would have gone to my attorney in fees.
My ex is unable to negotiate anything with me. She gets triggered at most anything I say or suggest. The only way I have found to settler things is 1) overwhelming evidence that her attorney realizes is a no win for ex or 2) find a way to make it ex's idea and I simply agree. The second way takes time to set up. It isn't something easy unless the circumstances present themselves.

[ForeverDad]

Your lawyer is expecting that the money held in trust or escrow is Leverage to get some sort of compliance.  Lawyer is probably right, eventually.  Our ex-spouses may be disordered but even most disordered people generally know the value of $$$ at some level.

The money held in trust is your Leverage to require her to return your possessions.  However, even if you know she didn't leave them behind, what can you do if she claims she threw them out?