Losing my mind

[sullengirl79]

My 12-year-old daughter keeps racking up the diagnoses. We started with major depressive disorder, then added in social anxiety, finally getting to oppositional defiant disorder. I thought that was hard enough to handle as a single mom. Until this summer. After getting out of an 8 month residential treatment center stay, she decided she was tired of having mom tell her what she could or could not do, so she packed up some clothes, broke open my lock box, taking 4 electronic devices, all of her med's, my cigarettes, all device chargers, and some more of my personal things. After 3 days the police picked her up on a hospital court  commital but she managed to spit on 1 of them, causing him to charge her with assault on a police officer, before they got her to the ER. From there she was transported 4 hours away to another hospitals child psych ward. She showed her true colors while there and walked out with 2 more diagnoses, bipolar and BPD. Her med's were changed and She has been better in some ways since returning home. But I swear she will deliberately make decisions she knows should be left to me and sits back to enjoy my reaction. I know borderlines thrive on this, the building up of someone then attacking until that person is almost emotionally shattered. I constantly remind myself she is only 12, she's just a kid, it's not her fault she has these disorders, but how much can a person take? Even a mom who adores and loves that child more then life itself? I finally got to the point where I let down my pride, and began asking family members for help. To take her for the day or overnight so I could regroup, but now these people are realizing the depth of her illness, and while they can still tell me what I need to do for her and that I must stick to my guns, they are beginning to do the opposite. Giving in to her many daily request and demands, before bringing her back home so I can deal with the aftermath. I'm tired. So tired. When we're home she's constantly bored, coming into my room every 2 minutes to tell me that, then shooting down every suggestion of things to do that I give, until all that's left is what she wants to do. Then when I shoot that down, all she wants is her night med's then, so she can just go in and go to sleep, if she's not going to get what she wants. All I can keep thinking is how in the world am I going to make it thru the next 5+ years? Uggghhhh... .thank you for letting me vent. I'm actually beginning to feel more calm now. We will make it thru this, we will.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bumpyroad]

Dear Sullengirl79, I don't have much wisdom to offer, but you are not alone.  It must be so stressful to be dealing with all this as a single mom.  Sounds like you are doing all you can do to find help for your daughter, hold your own boundaries, and stay calm.  What is the next step for your dd in terms of school, treatment, etc... .?  More than happy to help you think through your options.  My BPDd is now 19 (and still struggling), but the early teen years were really the worst in terms of emotional dysregulation.  I know firsthand what a toll all that drama can take on a family.  Hope you will continue to reach out.  Hang in there!