All consumed in the emotional roller coaster

[mountainlife]

My daughter has recently been diagnosed with bod.
She graduated from college in 3 1/2 years and is very talented but starting abusing drugs periodically about 3 years ago. She also has developed an eating disorder. 
She had been treated for generalized anxiety until recently.  She loves her therapist but continues to say she is going to start dbt therapy but doesn't call.
One minute she's very lucid and the next not. I sometimes feel she uses her illness to manipulate me.
She will tell us she is coming home and then will suddenly change her mind and use her anxiety as a reason. 
I'm so tired of the disappointment. 
She was raised in a loving home without abuse. I feel my world is falling apart and
My husband and I are arguing because the situation is consuming my life.
I probably need a therapist myself! 
I'm just tired of the disappointments and broken promises.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[incadove]

Hi mountainlife

That sounds exhausting and scary!  Do you know if the drugs she is abusing are dangerous/highly addictive?  That would be my first concern.

One of my dd's also sometimes didn't answer or would change her mind when she was in an anxious state.  But she is principled and generally makes an effort not to do that.  Letting her know how things affected me was a little bit of a two-edged sword because she needed me to be able to accept and support her without prioritizing my own emotions.  So I try to have a little more distance and be involved in my own life, so while I'm happy and thrilled to see her, its ok if she can't handle contact for a bit.  I let her know I'm concerned and want to know she's ok, and as long as she's ok then give her space.

I hope you have or can develop other deep connections as well, are there other things that you really enjoy or feel connected to?  One of my problems was that the connection to dd's is so emotional and takes so much energy that initially I didn't have anything of the same strength to replace it with!  But realizing that its actually good for your daughter for you to focus on something else, can maybe help give yourself permission to do that.

Good luck, and also it helped me a lot to read and watch the videos here on the right!