How can I ever stop worrying?

[dubiousraves]

I am trying to practice the skills I learned here, the compassionate distancing I learned in Alanon and trying to take care of myself but I cannot stop worrying about my daughter when she is out all night partying and meeting up with strange men from Tinder -which can be several night a week.  When I wake up at 4 am and she is not home, I text her and sometimes she responds and sometimes she doesn't and then the rest of my night is shot. I am getting really sleep deprived and don't know how to turn off my fear for her. In many ways she is much better, in DBT therapy, keeping a part-time job, getting on birth control, talking about going to rehab. She is a young adult so I haven't imposed a curfew but I really want to - just so I can get some sleep!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[incadove]

hi dubiousraves

yeah, I couldn't handle it when as a teen I didn't know where my dd was, luckily at that time she would at least always text me, but now as a young adult I only contact her every few days, or at least once a week.  But if she lived at my house and I knew she was out at night like that it would drive me crazy too, so nerve-wracking.

How does she respond when you explain (like in a non-blaming way, but about yourself) how it affects you and how you can't help worrying about her?  Is she willing to compromise in any way if she understands you are not controlling or judging her actions but just asking to know that she is all right so you can rest?   Maybe she could understand that she wouldn't need to do this after she moves out, but as a condition of living in your house?

Sometimes it would be nice to give them a pair of GPS-enabled earrings!  But only kidding... .

Good luck!  Sounds like you have made really good progress!