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Quick one - so my BPD friend and I have this kind of ugly fight - she basically sits down over lunch and gets into a monologue how she doesn't like anything about me, how negative I occur to her when she is trying to be so positive about stuff, blah blah, heard it before.   Then she proceeds to trash every single thing in her life, every person, every activity, the town, the state.   Everything.   Finally she tells me that it's best if we don't talk or stay in touch.      I know at this point there is little point engaging in any real discussion.   So  I was like "well okay, it's a shame you feel so strongly about how negative I am, and since I'm not going to succeed in talking you out of it or cheer you up, I agree it's best if we both let this go.   So how about if we split the check so I can get home in time to watch American Idol?"   And I left soon after, it was sort of awkward actually.   Anyway, three days later,  I get this email from her - "hey, did you happen to take my wallet from the cafe, it's gone missing and last I recall seeing it was when we were at the cafe, I can't go on my trip to visit my family without ID".    So it's a big crisis.    I'm just curious, what are the chances that her lost-my-wallet damsel in distress story is actually true?   Curious what other people think.   Like what am I supposed to say now?   It's kind of cruel to say nothing.   Why do this on her part?   I know if I engage, try to help, whatever - she will end up being nonresponsive, angry, etc again.  Is it just that she wants to keep the conflict going?   Or check if I'm really not going to chase her down, what?   Or did she just lose her wallet, I mean, wallets go missing sometimes.   Just seems like pretty remarkable timing to lose one's wallet at the same time you make mutual vows to never speak again, no?

[CycleBreaker123]

Quick one - so my BPD friend and I have this kind of ugly fight - she basically sits down over lunch and gets into a monologue how she doesn't like anything about me, how negative I occur to her when she is trying to be so positive about stuff, blah blah, heard it before.   Then she proceeds to trash every single thing in her life, every person, every activity, the town, the state.   Everything.   Finally she tells me that it's best if we don't talk or stay in touch.      I know at this point there is little point engaging in any real discussion.   So  I was like "well okay, it's a shame you feel so strongly about how negative I am, and since I'm not going to succeed in talking you out of it or cheer you up, I agree it's best if we both let this go.   So how about if we split the check so I can get home in time to watch American Idol?"   And I left soon after, it was sort of awkward actually.   Anyway, three days later,  I get this email from her - "hey, did you happen to take my wallet from the cafe, it's gone missing and last I recall seeing it was when we were at the cafe, I can't go on my trip to visit my family without ID".    So it's a big crisis.    I'm just curious, what are the chances that her lost-my-wallet damsel in distress story is actually true?   Curious what other people think.   Like what am I supposed to say now?   It's kind of cruel to say nothing.   Why do this on her part?   I know if I engage, try to help, whatever - she will end up being nonresponsive, angry, etc again.  Is it just that she wants to keep the conflict going?   Or check if I'm really not going to chase her down, what?   Or did she just lose her wallet, I mean, wallets go missing sometimes.   Just seems like pretty remarkable timing to lose one's wallet at the same time you make mutual vows to never speak again, no?

[Donalith]

I think perhaps you're over-analyzing. What happens if you simply take the question at face value and answer in a BIFF-ly manner of "Yes" or "No". You won't truly understand her motives for asking you (and neither will she if she has BPD most likely) so it's a bit of a rabbit hole trying to analyze the question. In my place, when faced with a puzzling question I simply answer it and move on.

If your friend does indeed have BPD then vows and promises are generally only "in the moment" and you'll want to incorporate that into your expectations.