D15 completely irrational

[Hisaccount]

You can't make this stuff up.

Back ground, GF's D15 daughter is showing some signs of a PD.

Saturday night was the first night in the new apartment with mom. The girls had been staying with me but the older two D14 and D15 wanted to spend the night with mom, sleeping on her floor. Which is odd because D15 had said she refused to sleep on the floor when there was a bed at my house. D10 was staying at a friends house.

Spent all day moving, setting stuff up. Everything seemed to be going well.
7 pm I pick them up to take them to mom's place. Asked if they were hungry, they said no they had just ate.

Get to mom's they start setting up sleeping bags on the floor.

D15 doesn't like how close D14 is to her. Starts getting upset. D14 is in the other room, not anywhere around.
D15 gets up, kicks her sleeping bag, bedding and pillow across the room.
It's on.  

Mom did a great job of keeping her cool. We tried as many of things we have been learning as possible and nothing was making a difference.

After a couple hours mom finally sends D14 into bedroom. Proceeds to lose her cool and start yelling at D15 and letting her know what a little turd she was being and how it needs to stop or she is getting sent away.

I stayed quiet most of the time. Only stepped in to calm down mom, or to keep things from escalating out of control. I did not attack D15, I validated and defended them both. D15 noticed that and commented that she didn't feel I was against her. Was upset that I refused to leave and was still part of it.

After continued abuse, mostly directed towards me after that, I grabbed my dog and left.

After which mom tells D15 she chased me off for good and mom goes to her room where D14 and her spend the night.
Mom says her and D14 who are scared at this point and were listening for D15 to start breaking stuff, but D15 was happy, watching TV, signing along with show tunes, making food.

Mom at one point posted on her FB status the D15 ruined another night. ( i thought that was immature, but) D15 responds with a .
Nice.

Sunday, they wake up and everything is fine. Nobody talks about what happened. They just pick up and move on.

Things that I notice.
D15 didn't respond to anything until mom started yelling at her. All it really did was change her focus from hating mom to hating me.

Her thoughts are completely irrational. They have been living with me for two months. I feed them everyday, cook every meal, do all of the shopping. D15 during the argument said she was hungry. I offered to go buy some stuff for the new apartment. She said she wouldn't eat it because I would poison it.  

She went from saying how much she loved a previous father figure and defending him to completely hating him in the course of two hours.

She thinks by screaming and yelling that is how she gets what she wants and she believes it works.
Then says nobody should ever be screamed and yelled at 5 minutes later because it is abusive.

Didn't want to move back to old town at beginning of conversation, wanted to move back during, didn't want to move back the next morning.

My dog has been her "therapy" dog. But Saturday night she wanted nothing to do with him. Threatened to kill him if I would not keep him away from her. 

Refuses to take meds. 

We are at a loss.
Tried to get mom to sit down with me and D15 to talk about what happened but neither wanted to talk about it. Best response I could get was from D15 saying, the dumb **tch should not have but her bed so close to mine.
No accountability at all.
mom says D15 apologizes after breakdowns like this but I have never seen it.

Of course mom doesn't want to give up on her but doesn't want to keep living like this.
and if I push one direction or another then it is back on me when something bad happens so I stay out of it.

Mom was sent away as a teenager (she got pregnant and refused an abortion (or so I am told)) and feels like her mom gave up on her, so she is holding on very tightly to trying to work this out.

Their first joint counseling session is 24th.

Are there multiple issues going on here?
if feelings are facts, then how do her feelings change so quickly about something?
Why does she only respond to being yelled at?
Is this just a spoiled brat?

Coming into this I see a lot of the signs of a PD but they shifted now. No more threats of suicide or running off during this last couple of weeks. Is that normal for them to stop?
I wonder because she uses terms that she learned in therapy, like chemical imbalance. I feel like she is using them as an excuse or a crutch.
To me a chemical imbalance you can't control, but she makes smart choices. Like not breaking things she wants to keep. Somewhere she learned that she shouldn't break her phone or TV. She shouldn't destroy her bed or clothes.
So why can't she learn to not destroy anything?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Hisaccount

That sounds exhausting. There's so much in your post I thought I'd focus on one thing for now and work down as we go, if that's ok 

Get to mom's they start setting up sleeping bags on the floor.

D15 doesn't like how close D14 is to her. Starts getting upset. D14 is in the other room, not anywhere around.
D15 gets up, kicks her sleeping bag, bedding and pillow across the room.
It's on.  

Mom did a great job of keeping her cool. We tried as many of things we have been learning as possible and nothing was making a difference.

After a couple hours mom finally sends D14 into bedroom. Proceeds to lose her cool and start yelling at D15 and letting her know what a little turd she was being and how it needs to stop or she is getting sent away.

What skills did you try that you've both been learning? It sometimes takes time to perfect, a work in progress... . 

WDx