I am stuck in the land of Oz

[Parents! Get help here!]

I am new to anything on-line and definitely new to this post.  I have an adult child with BPD, bipolar, and substance abuse and just survived a horrendous crisis with her.  While things are somewhat stable right now, communication is severely limited, and the house a complete disaster zone.  Finances are at an all-time low.  I find it hard to keep morale up and just keep going and maybe, just maybe, make a little bit of progress cleaning up the mess.  Please cheer me up, tell me to hang in there, or make me laugh.  I feel pretty run down right now, and I feel stuck, like there is never going to be an end to all this, while I am getting older and poorer.  How do you cope?

[WOLFGREEN]

I am new to anything on-line and definitely new to this post.  I have an adult child with BPD, bipolar, and substance abuse and just survived a horrendous crisis with her.  While things are somewhat stable right now, communication is severely limited, and the house a complete disaster zone.  Finances are at an all-time low.  I find it hard to keep morale up and just keep going and maybe, just maybe, make a little bit of progress cleaning up the mess.  Please cheer me up, tell me to hang in there, or make me laugh.  I feel pretty run down right now, and I feel stuck, like there is never going to be an end to all this, while I am getting older and poorer.  How do you cope?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[NannaM]

Hi Wolfgreen, you are not alone.
Tbh, I have days of such sadness when on the roller coaster with my adult, addicted BPDd, (40) that I feel as though the next call I'm going to get will be the police to say that she has o/d'd and that she is dead.
And I am powerless to fix her drug abuse and her MI. Even though I love her so so much.
So I put one foot in front of the other, learn as much as I can about this horrendous dual diagnosis, and be the very best grandparent I can be to my daughters' daughter, who is being raised by her single father.
So, read all you can and be kind to yourself. Eat well, sleep well and meditate. Find a really good counsellor or therapist. And maybe a 12 step group like Families Anonymous.
Be kind to yourself. Sending you a virtual hug.
NannaM

[LifeinOZ]

((Hugs))
This is all pretty new to me too. The best advice that I got from my therapist, friends, people on this board, and my husband is: LIVE. Get up, make up, show up, and do every thing possible to take care of myself. I got to the gym, I go to church, I love yoga, I don't love to cook - but I do make sure I have healthy food around. I read quite a bit. I come here to this board, a few other support boards. I'm a weight watcher, so I find company at all hours to chat with on that board. You aren't alone, we are all "in this thing" and it hurts, but we can only control our reaction and how we spend our day.

Take care and keep coming back.

[WOLFGREEN]

Thanks for your kind replies.  Yes, I try to take care of myself and I am learning all I can about how to communicate with my BPD, if at all.
The hardest thing right now is that she simply does not follow through on anything.  She sounds so convincing when she says she is going to do something, but it never materializes, and I used to get mad.  Now I try to ignore it and praise her for doing something good or constructive.  I am hoping it will change the trend and that she will "snap out of it" but it does not seem likely.  I end up picking up the pieces.  She is in a treatment program, but will get kicked out for not attending.  That means, she needs to find something else and start over.  I get so discouraged, and there is a lot of pressure from my family to "keep after her, make her do it... .".  Good luck with that.  I cannot magically produce results or keep her in treatment.  At this point, she is still living at home, and not even taking into account her abandonment issues, a group home setting, even if feasible, does not sound like a good solution.  Forget about sitting down with her and talking it through.  I know things either get better or worse - I am hoping for better, and I am accused of being impatient.  After all, right now she is not drinking or doing drugs, and that is a major major step in the right direction.  I would like to be hopeful.