Introduction

[Parents! Get help here!]

Here we go... .it's official. Today they finally said it... .we see "emerging borderline personality disorder" behaviors.

Our 16 year old daughter has been in residential care since June. In January 2017 she had 6 weeks of a Partial Hospitalization Program. From January to June of 2017 she was hospitalized 4 times with an average stay of 10 days for suicidal ideologies. Before that she was a kid with extreme behavior that was never diagnosed as anything. I took her to every doctor I could find from the time she was 5. No one knew what to tell me.

After reading "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" and "Stop Walking On Eggshells" last spring we were pretty sure she had BPD. When we brought it up with her docs they sternly stopped us and basically said, "don't go there."

I'm not sure what kind of reaction they were looking for today when they actually said "BPD" out loud. We are not at all surprised, but now what?

For now she is safe and getting intense DBT. But then what?

We are so grateful for the help, but so unsure of what comes next.
 

[mamabear31]

Here we go... .it's official. Today they finally said it... .we see "emerging borderline personality disorder" behaviors.

Our 16 year old daughter has been in residential care since June. In January 2017 she had 6 weeks of a Partial Hospitalization Program. From January to June of 2017 she was hospitalized 4 times with an average stay of 10 days for suicidal ideologies. Before that she was a kid with extreme behavior that was never diagnosed as anything. I took her to every doctor I could find from the time she was 5. No one knew what to tell me.

After reading "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" and "Stop Walking On Eggshells" last spring we were pretty sure she had BPD. When we brought it up with her docs they sternly stopped us and basically said, "don't go there."

I'm not sure what kind of reaction they were looking for today when they actually said "BPD" out loud. We are not at all surprised, but now what?

For now she is safe and getting intense DBT. But then what?

We are so grateful for the help, but so unsure of what comes next.
 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi mamabear31,

I'm so sorry for the pain and suffering that brings you here, and glad you found the site.

You are not alone. 

What a relief that your D is safe and receiving intense DBT.

About the story you relate concerning the doctor... .there is a lot of new neuroscience and research emerging about BPD, and even good practitioners may not be caught up. Most of the families I know who have BPD loved ones feel like they have a third job educating mental health practitioners, and spend a lot of time engaged in some form of advocacy.

Have you read Buddha and the Borderline? It's also a memoir written by a BPD suffererer, and she talks about her frustration learning that she was diagnosed with BPD as a teen but no one told her. There is also Blaise Aguirre's book called BPD in Adolescence. He is one of the country's leading experts on BPD in teens and the book is written with compassion and empathy.

There is also a book called Loving Someone with BPD by Shari Manning which is the one that the NEA-BPD Family Connections classes are based on. The skills are helpful for creating a validating environment for your child, and learning some of the communication and relationship skills that are not intuitive and require patience and practice to become second-nature.

We will walk with you through this 

LnL