Never counted borderline out

[yoshitx]

 It has been five years since I left this Message board.

During the past five years it is been nice to be around healthy women and I have found a partner for life. My children have grown up. My handicap son is now living on his own.

But my daughter has been rather difficult.

We all want no contact for well over 18 months   Then the children started to see their mother a little bit again.

They make a long story short. Not only has my now 19-year-old daughter moved in with my ex BPD wife  but she has decided that I no longer have a place in her life.

Rather than say anything she sent me a detailed message via email that sounds very much like the rantings that my ex-wife used to do.

Sadly, I think the best thing that I can do is to do absolutely nothing and just let her go. Perhaps in the future when she hits bottom should reach out to me

She displays the histrionics and the Extreme emotional swings that I saw and her mother. Can anybody give me their experiences. I’m trying to make sure that the next step is the right one. If I Do not respond to her then I fear it does more damage bringing her back.

[livednlearned]

I'm happy to hear you are moving on and have met someone wonderful. 

And sorry for the pain your daughter must be experiencing, and you by extension.

Can you tell us a little more about what your daughter is like? What your relationship with her has been like?

Do you suspect she might have BPD?

[yoshitx]

I spent years working hard to make sure that she had No contact with her mother.  Every time we tried to "Be nice" to BPD/mom it ended horribly.

I can live without my daughter.  Yes it hurts,  but the 23 years with the BPD taught me that the damage is too mcuh  and you just have to walk away.

Now she is cutting me out of her life.  Living with the BPD.  The sad part is that she is cutting off my entire family.  My mother is a sweet old woman in her 80s now.   I was "OK" with my daughter going.  (AS OK as I could be)  But when my mother called me, I couldn't bear it.  That my daughter would hurt her.   That give me a new pain that even my BPD?Ex was not capable of causing.

I was depressed 7 years ago.  It was a darkworld that I tried to get out of.  When I walked away from the BPD I though I was finally free.   BUt it never ends with a BPD... .never.

[Panda39]

Hi,

Some of us have to learn things the hard way and that appears to be the way with your daughter.  Your daughter is an adult and can make her own decisions.  It's hard to watch because you know from experience that things will not end well.  

My SO had to do the very same thing with his older daughter.  He tried to get her to change her mind, to listen to him but she believed (wanted to believe... .needed to believe) her mother and now is $15,000 dollars in debt for the privilege.  She got burned and she learned.

Part of me wants to encourage you to talk to your daughter about hurting her grandmother but I recognize the "JADE" there and the triangle, it will just feed the drama monster and get you sucked in further with your ex through your daughter.

I know that doesn't help your mom but this is really between her and your daughter.

I think you wait it out and be ready to pick up the pieces  

Panda39