14th allegation

[Panshekay]

Hello everyone. I took a much needed sabbatical so I haven’t been on here for a while. The stress of all this is killing me. Hanging on by a thread pretty much all the time. So let me get everyone up to speed. D and C hearing is now in December, good news is we have 1 DHS worker who was on the 9th allegation testifying on our sons behalf as well as the CASA worker who is still involved. Having both these women on our side is a God send. A few weeks ago I got a screen shot from a family member of my DIL’s fb page.  My DIL had changed her profile pic and everyone was commenting. One comment was made by a “therapist” who works for the Children’s Advocacy Center”. Her FB pic and where she works is in her profile pic. So this therapist posted “Happy Fathers Day to an amazing mom and dad, your kids are so lucky to have you as their mom”.

 This center is where my grandson has been going unbeknownst to us.  We didn’t know until our son started getting a bill from them. So, our son reached out to the CASA lady, and she said yes, he is being seen there. So our son called several times and tried to get an appt to meet with the counselor his son was seeing. They never returned his calls. So I reached out by letter, giving factual info to the therapist (she is not the one that posted that) and asked her to call me or better yet, call our son.  I said that our son had many concerns about his W and who she had around his son. Neither one of us heard a thing.

 So... .I decided to send the screen shot of the fb post along with a very long letter about ethics and boundaries and the lack of, I said they had NEVER met our son blah blah blah. I sent that email to the Medical Director and the Executive Director on Wed night at 6:30 pm. I received a reply from the ED at 8:30 pm the same night. Her statement was this”

I just got back in town but I will look into this.  I appreciate your bringing this concern to me.  I can't disclose who is or is not a client and particularly by email   I will however follow up on this. 

I am also available next week if you feel it would be helpful to speak with me further.

I did not respond until last night saying I sincerely appreciated her timely response, but have been ill and needed some time to gather my thoughts, but wanted her to know I received her email. She responded with.

“ Thank you.  I will be in touch when I have had a chance to look into this more thoroughly.  I hope you feel better soon. 

I have looked this up and she is a licensed T.  I am not sure how to proceed or what to do about this... .other people I work with say this is serious

So today, our son goes to the exchange site to get his son from W. Our son was taking him camping with friends and staying in a cabin this weekend, our GS wasn’t aware I don’t think... .Before getting there our son gets a text from his W saying she has been told not to bring him to our son. So our son calls the police dept, they say they don’t know anything... .I’m not sure of the details exactly but he took all his documents and went down to the police department, they looked it up and said either his W or a mandatory reporter ( that’s what his w does, keeps her hands clean)  filed a sexual abuse claim against him. This makes 4 allegations made by her for this.  So now he gets to wait until Monday for DHS to call him and go down there to be interviewed. Then he has to call the nursing board and let them know.

DHS has 60 days to make a determination, last time they took 90 days... .each time his W does this our Son never gets those days he missed back with his son... .why is that?  our 7yo GS gets to be interviewed and physically checked for sexual abuse, which of course is destroying him each time. DHS treats every allegation as if it’s the first meaning our son is guilty until HE proves he is innocent. At the 13th allegation I was there for his DHS interview... .I asked at that time didnt they see a pattern... .their response was... .no.

 So this is where we are at... .now when they go to court her attorney gets to say... .”your honor, my client should have full custody and the father should not have visitation rights, he has an OPEN sexual abuse claim against him”. 

If we live through all this it will be a miracle.  I am dreading going to court because I fear he is going to lose. Any advice would be appreciated on the therapist FB post, what should we do.  I thought about driving down there AGAIN to meet with the Executive Director along with our son  but I don’t know... .part of me wants to sue the dog poop out of everyone... .still trying to find an attorney to take on DHS with that. I know they (MSW) have a new updated Code of Ethics book out... .number one is “do no harm”.  It addresses fb etc as well... .what that T did was wrong but what do we do about it?  Thanks everyone, I have missed you all but man, there is only so much we can take. 4 years is a long time. P.s,... .yep, his W still has same rich fiancée paying her legal bills.

[livednlearned]

Hi Panshekay,

I don't know that I have any advice that will help, only to say I'm so sorry this is happening again.

It seems that any big picture solution to the chronic legal abuse would cost so much money, and for many of us, we are already broke by the time things get to that point.

And yet, how else to go from defense to offense? I don't have answers, sadly. I do remember reading something about how a court found a mother's excessive distrust (based on allegations of molestation) of the father to not be in the best interests of the child.

It happened in my case, too. n/BPDx was a former trial attorney who represented himself, and the judge even issued a gatekeeping order against him, which did absolutely nothing to stop the chronic litigation.

It seems like in your case, a lawyer needs to present the pattern of DHS findings in order to essentially litigate their failure to protect the child.

[Panshekay]

Thank you LAL, I appreciate you reaching out to me, knowing you have been through similar things brings peace.  You Survived it... .I am also on Dr Childress site, hoping to find some help and answers.  A coworker who I am close to said she felt like his W was just pushing as hard as she could in order to push him over the edge and commit suicide. I have spoken to our son about this often and I constantly pray this would never happen. Again, thanks for reaching out to us.

[ForeverDad]

I too faced child abuse allegations, my son was down at the hospital ER, usually shortly before a hearing but my parenting time wasn't impacted.  But I agree it was worse than frustrating to have the agencies treat it as though parking tickets.  I recall that just once was I called by an ER doctor while my son was still there.  Unfortunately it wasn't to inform me of a growing pattern of unsubstantiated allegations, it was to ask about pills I was supposedly drugging my son with.  The lady doctor specifically replied that they don't look at prior hospital visits for patterns.  That sure sounded odd to me.  I guess it's the whistleblower theory, don't do anything to discourage more reports.

I can only suggest that this time around you and your son be prepared to seek an addendum to the order for full makeup time if his parenting time is restricted yet again.  Bring with you a written quick reference list (3 copies, one for judge, one for son and one for the other side) of all the times his parenting time has been reduced or blocked due to allegations that were later closed without action against son.  If that's not a pattern, then what is?  Oh, and make sure that request is "on the record".  If it's not a part of the case file that can be referenced later then I think the court can ignore it as though it was never requested.