Lies and more lies

[sunseeker]

Hi I am a 58yr old woman and I came to the decision 6yrs ago to end the relationship with my sister I felt I could no longer cope with her mood swings and the lies she was telling. Not only was her behavior causing hurt to myself but my grown up children. I have gone from feeling sorry for her to angry and depressed.

 However I have heard that she has been telling some real damaging and untrue stories recently about me so much to the point that people who would have spoke to me now no long do, I have actully thought about moving far away, she always moved to be near me, always had to try and get in with people I know and will tell the most outlandish untrue stories she  experitally controls and manuipulate all around her.  I believe that her drive to make people look bad is because she has a need to be seen as the best.

However the recent lies she has been telling about me have been quite damaging that I feel need addressed so much to the point that I have actually thought about taking her to court , has anyone done this ? Do the old slander laws still stand ?

[Struggles]

Hi sun seeker,

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I am currently going through the same with my MIL.  I have looked up the slander laws, not sure if it varies by state.  I believe if you can prove that her slanderous allegations have greatly impacted your personal or professional life that you can sue, but you may want to check with your lawyer.  If anything, you can have a ceast and desist drawn up by your lawyer and sent to her. 

This may atleast be a scare tactic to get her to stop.  I didn't do this, but put a lot of thought into it.  If it continues, I very well may. 

I'm not a lawyer by any means, just something I looked up.  Maybe someone with legal background can chime in to give better insight on what can be done. 

Having someone spread horrible lies is absolutely the worst.  I cannot tell you how badly it has effected me.  I suggest googling "how to handle a smear campaign".  This was a great tool for me, and you can read lots of other people's stories as well.  It's nuts how common this is!  Who does this?  I cannot imagine doing that type of thing to my worst enemy, let alone my own family! 

Try to remember that the people who don't listen to her lies or believe them are truely the people you need in your life.  The ones who believed so easily and no longer speak to you, aren't people who know the real you, and are not real friends. 

In speaking with other family members, it seemed like my MIL only told the lies to people I had a really close relationship too (in order to hopefully tear the relationships apart).  Other family who we don't see very often weren't aware of the things she had done and said, and didn't understand why we went NC with her.  That isn't the only reason why we went NC, but it was the biggest thing.

Do you see the same thing with your sister, that she only tells the lies to people that you are close too, or is it to anyone who will listen?

[Deb]

Hi sun seeker,

I have no advice but wanted to say that your sister is so much like mine: Moved close to me more than once and then set out to get close to my friends. After that the lies about me began. I finally went NC with her. Some people stopped talking to me. Sme of those people later came and apologized to me. The best advice I got was to not talk about her to most people, and if they brought up specific lies to rebut those. But otherwise, hold my head up high and not respond. She wants attention, don't give it to her.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Sunseeker! 

Welcome to our online family.    I am not sure of the answer to your question, but we do have a family law board here at bpdfamily. You may want to try there. Do you know how to find the board?

I'm really sorry that you are going through this. How hurt and sad, in addition to angry, you must feel-the understatement of the year for sure! I have always believed that in the end truth will prevail, but there may be steps to take to help you in this. Do you have any mutual aquaintances who see both sides or do people just stay away from both of you because of the drama? Sounds as if you are doing your best to stay free and away from her, and she is doing her best to pull you back in to engage in the drama. I'm glad you are keeping your boundary up!  Hang in there!

 
Wools